The Blog of Eli

In a world that lacks sunlight, requires heavy jackets, televises Hard Rain, and then rains harder, one man blogs alone. In a post apocalyptic world that was once named summer a young man struggles to survive without a jacket.
(And just like that this blog is already better than The Green Lantern)
It's getting harder to tell day from night, a cloudy haze surrounds me, and the people all around me stare off into space, wait, that's only when I'm inside. It's even worse outside though, as an evil villain named Faux Fall lurks in a shade of grey menacing society with its perpetually shitty weather. Faux Fall's special abilities include entirely grey skies, 24 hour rain storms, and temperatures that you would normally set for your ac unit. Faux Fall's nemesis is the sun, but Fall's army of cloud cronies has him captured between a jail of lightning bolts and Fran Drescher. It wasn't always like this, I remember (see last years blog) a time when Europe was free from Fall's empire, and we were led by the fair and noble Sun. He alternated hot and cold, cooled me down when I needed it, and tanned a nation. Those were the days man, now its like an endless rerun of Who's the boss. We get it, you're both Angela and Tony. Also I am running out of ways to rephrase a very sarcastic "Well Ladies and Gents, its another beautiful day." If only Captain America would arrive, he would destroy Faux Fall, look good doing it, and give me 2 hours to hide from him before reality sets back in. As a true traveling superhero though, I still put an S on my chest and endure double F with a brave face.



The apartment swap worked out well though as it is a very cute Dutch house. 2 cats have mysteriously become one however. I don't want to say Kiku's dead but I need a orangish browinish creature that resembles a cat by August 16. I know the other cats fine because the darn thing never leaves my side...but I guess that's what happens when you carry around a leash.



One reason to become a mathlete, the international math olympics are held in Amsterdam. I get the trade off, and go nerds, seriously, awesome pay out.

Quick math: How many hookers does it take to get an STD?









Answer: infinite, they are all tested. Who's the math whiz now?





Speaking of prostitutes, its very ironic that the oldest church in Holland (The Oude Kerk) is situated right in the heart of the red light district.



So I saw the 7th Harry Potter, partly because of Faux Fall and partly out of interest. Now I thought the love had gone a little too far, esp. When I read that people were having mourning parties for the end of the series. I read and enjoyed the books, some more than others, but never really fell in love with any of the movies except the first. For the record, my favorite books of the series were 1,4 and 7. My biggest problem with both the books and the movies is that the first 2 hours is a preclude to the eventual showdown with Voldemort. This movie is no different of course but purely from a film making standpoint it was excellent. The hype was true, I was into the movie the entire time, the special effects were strong, and the characters didn't ham it up like children as they do in the previous movies. You can easily read a wikipedia introduction and enjoy this movie. I expected this to be a netflix or if I have no other choice type movie but I was pleasantly surprised. It was a very entertaining flick overall and a strong end to the series. Excuse me for a minute, I must mourn Voldemort, he was my favorite character you silly muggles.



In order to try and escape Faux Fall we have spent the past few days in Belgium. A previous blog goes in depth about this wondrous second Dutch country, and if you even try it says it has French influence or uses Flemish I will smack you with....well nothing because if I had a waffle in my hand I would eat it not waste it slapping you.



It was nice to be back in Brugge, but you forget how small it is.

First hour: Let's live here!

2nd hour: its so pretty

4th hour: well we've done the city

6th hour: wanna go back to the dueling French Fry guys. Ill take the left.

8th hour: What belgium beer are we on?

12th hour:" In Brugge" doesn't run on a continuous loop? Damn.

24th hour: How soon can we leave.



To Brugge's credit, the food and bars are awesome and the city is gorgeous. Its also the size of Jenny Mcarthy post pregnancy....Brugge is probably smaller actually.

From Brugge we went to Gent. Which is what the locals call "The Not tourist Brugge" and I think I would have loved it if we weren't a day late, and a euro short. Apparently Gent had just completed a ten day festival where people partied until....well we arrived. The first thing I saw was a group of backpackers bailing out their buddy. Immediately I'm thinking this place is totally for me, if Peter Pan doesn't want to grow up neither do I. We knew we were in trouble though when the garbage was more interesting than the city. Surrounding us hundreds of immensely hungover people took down all of the fun. Even the Hostel owner looked like it took all of what was left of his energy just to unlock the door.


Foxx: This sucks, everything I want to do in this city is already on the floor.

Ms. Foxx: You mean beer, butts and hot dogs.

Foxx: Don't forget the chocolate milk over there.



I felt like the guy who comes to the party a day late, parks himself next to the leftover keg, and started bumping Black Eyed Peas while everyone else cleans up the mess.

Gent has a specific type of candy. It is considered “ The Nose” of Gent and is shaped like a big purple triangle and tastes like a gusher juiced on roids. Yup, I wont remember the awesome 10 day festival but instead I´ll have the memories of grape nose candy and eating turkish pizza twice in one day. Thanks Gent, you were more disapointing than Shwayze´s second cd. That´s right Shwayze, he´s my favorite rapper.



Not sure if this song hit US yet because I saw it on a Coke Commercial, but check out Open Happiness with Cee Lo, Patrick Stump and Butch Walker. Very Summery.



Now back to your regularly schedule pornography surfing while I continue praying to sun gods. Just one day, that's all I ask, one day.



Holy Canoli I see blue. In 2011, a visible mass of water droplets or frozen ice crystals suspended in the atmosphere above the surface of the Earth burned through our civilization, pushing humankind to the edge of anarchy. Dr. Foxx Lang dedicated his blog to the discovery of a cure and the restoration of humanity. On July 27, 2011, at approximately 3:49 P.M., he discovered that cure. And at 3:52, he gave his blog to defend it. We are his legacy. This is his legend. Light up the grey.