Switzerland, what an awesome country. Just stunning. Every 5 minutes or so I would point at something and say "doesn't that look like Pandora!" Every city is more picturesque then the last and the sights are incredible. Just massive amounts of rolling hills, mountains with snow capped peaks, mists of fog everywhere and gorgeous water falls and lakes that are extremely clear and almost green, the good green, not pollution green. This was all even more evident in today's hike through the waterfalls. Just an absolutely fantastic place that I don't want to leave.
Switzerland, Interlaken especially, may be the home of extreme sports but it is the home of extreme expenses. This country is just crazy expensive, everything just costs so much, even above New York prices. Not interesting but worth mentioning if anybody reading wants to visit the Swiss. So make sure you save up, but trust me, it is worth it. Just unbelievable sights and activities.
Switzerland is neutral, as in they don't start fights or fight back. The people aren't mean, nor are they super nice, just neutral. They are the home of the UN, how much more neutral can you get? With all of this neutrality however why were they the villains then in Cool Runnings? Of course they were the best bobsled team in the olympics, but they were also the meanest to those fun loving Jamaicans. Josef Grul may have been the best bobsled driver in the world, but his attitude towards Derice and the boys was just flat out aggresive. That doesn't exactly scream neutral, but you know who was neutral, the Americans. Not only did they give them their practice bobsled, but they also forgave Wolf Blitzer for his infamous cheating incident from the 78 olympics. The ironic part of all of this, if anything America is never neutral, we are the bullies of world politics, negotiations and warfare. The Swiss meanwhile (except for that dick Grul) have been nothing but an upstanding country. Their flag is even has the first aid symbol (actually the sign of neutrality) representing them. But onto more important matters, how 4 young men from Jaimaca changed the hearts of even the darkest men in Switzerland. Let me lay out some difficulties that they had for you. Snow: they didn't have any. It's nine hundred degrees out there. Time: they didn't have any. The Olympics were in three months. And Irv: As far as he was concerned, the sport of bobsledding no longer exists. He didn't want to do it, coach it, and most of all, and I mean most of all, he didn't want to be within two thousand miles of anybody who does. Now did you follow all that? When does pesky Rasta heads nobody liked them, and you know why because "We're different. People are always afraid of what's different". Then Grul came around warning them about Number Twelve turn. Which was "Scary, ja?". But nevertheless Junior and Yul saw a a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody and got there revenge in a bar room brawl. When they crashed though and carried the sled through the finish line, guess who was the first person there slow clapping for them? Grul, that's who? Was he happy about it, nope, sad? Nope, angry? Maybe a little, but neutral, you bet.
Yup, I kinda like that movie.
After a grueling day of the high ropes course I ran into a guy just waiting for his next acitivity, Bungy jumping. Mine, napping. As I walked away about to nap the crap out of the late afternoon I heard him say "you only live once." 4 hours later I'm standing 450 feet off the ground in a Gondola with him and 10 other US soldiers. "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. The ground is hurtling at me really fast, did I set this weeks fantasy line up? I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, wait I feel a tug, I'm attached to a rope! I'm gonna live!" Except insert 8 seconds of high pitched girly screams instead. Invigorating, euphoric and sick was the best way to describe it.
The next day we all went Canyoning, which is essentially being dropped inside a 300 foot water canyon for an afternoon. The only way out, sliding down waterfalls, jumping into random pits of water 30 feet off the ground, and rappeling down rocks. It was sick! beyond crazy and one of the most extreme things I've ever done in my life. What nutty Swisser originally decided that jumping off cliffs into water with unknown dephs and sliding down rocks from earth-made water slides was smart? Regardless, my hats off to you sir, that was epic. Also a special shout out to Dionne and Laura who were the only 2 girls on the trip of 22 that did not want any part of the afternoon but powered through like true soldiers. I owe you Laura, and I know it. Burger King on me baby.
Weird food of the week: 3 Species Burger. Bun, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup, burger, fried chicken, 4 strips of Bacon, bun. Intense.
Speaking of those 10 soldiers, let's play a little game called "Can I name all my new friends?"
Aaron, Steve, Leon Lee, Ernie, Jameson, Michael, Ian aka young Stephen Baldwin, Dewey, Anthony, and umm uhhh Boy I don't know. Crap, so close.
9 really awesome and jacked up dudes....and Dewey. All of them with perfect chins, and shredded abs....and Dewey. Nothing makes you feel really fat more than being surrounded by 82 pectorals...and Dewey. I totally bought a scale since then.
I am not gonna lie though, I was intimidated, if they weren't screaming about MEAT they were imitating Ultimate Warrior youtube videos. I get it guys, the warrior gets a rocket, puts fuel in it and fills it with more Warriors. After all my stupid questions were over though I was accepted into their brotherhood. What stupid questions you ask? Have you killed anybody? Do you play Modern Warfare? Have you seen Transformers? Do you play fantasy football? - No (but some assists), Yes, Yes, No.
Our last night while pregaming before the club we were screaming about the usual past quiet hours when one of the hostel attendants came in and instead of reprimanding us about being loud, took one look around the shirtless room and said "Not even close" and walked out. You guys truly made my last weekend unforgettable. Just awesome dudes fighting for our country, inhaling protein and slaying dragons aka fat chicks.
Oh and one more thing, icing the crap out of each other. Talk about bros icing bros, they took it to another level. All ice, all the time. For example: right before we bungy jumped Dewey put 8 ices on the table. I can only imagine what the hostel cleaners thought when they saw 6 dudes sharing a room but a garbage can filled to the brim with nothing but smirnoff Ice.
Here's a list of the more creative icings of the weekend:
The trap - giving an ice to someone knowing that they are holding one, just to suprise them with another ice back because the whole time you were holding two.
The shower - sliding a ice right into the suds.
The check in - being presented with an ice when getting your room key by the hostel attendant.
The pillow - hiding an ice in your pillow.
The goat - doing "the goat" but with a smirnoff there instead.
The sandwich - two pieces of bread, a slice of cheese, and an ice. (And my go to move of the weekend)
The message from god - an ice tied to a string and dangled from above.
The mine field - ices strategically planted all over the room.
After all the time this past weekend spent on one knee though, At this point, Just like the Swiss, I'm kinda neutral to the taste.
To my fans, thanks again for reading and I hope you continue to follow when I continue blogging during the school year.
It was an awesome trip and as amazing as it was, in the immortal words of Captain Anthony "I want to go home."
Auf Wiederluege
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Random Tangent Blog
In Milan, but its raining, its pouring and the city is boring (see what I did there) Rain or Shine this city just doesn't do it for me, although the calzones are delicious. The stores are too expensive, so expensive in fact that I dont think that I am even allowed in many of them. It's like a running Sex and City montage on every street, even H+M looks classy although it is tough to see squeezed in between a Prada and Dolce store and below a Chanel. Regardless, only one day to sky diving in Interlocken, Switzerland and the rest of the extreme sports that they brag about. Since Milan is so boring I've taken up a new sport, extreme wine drinking.
Just learned that Gus Johnson is going to the be the voice of Madden 2011, and quite frankly I couldnt be more excited, I may even buy two copies. "Hi everybody I'm Gus Johnson and Welcome to Madden 2011, Sanchez drops back, Fires from the parking lot!!!Oh my goodness!!! The catch is PURE!!!! and BAM!!! he's down!!! 3 yard Completion!!!! 2nd down!!!"
European music really is something else. They beat the hell out of the songs worse than the states do, and they really dont play any rap (other than BOB) so the choices are very limited. Along with this, and brace yourself for this one, but MTV still plays music videos and not reality tv. This is a nice break except for the fact that they only choose to play these ten summer songs on repeat.
Here is the Top 5 songs played in Europe in order of the most heard:
5)Without you - Samanta Cole
4) Replay - Iyaz ( How ironic!!!)
3) California girls - Katy Perry (actually sorta of ironic)
2) Waving the flag - Knann
1) Africa - Shakira
My top 5 favorite songs heard in Europe:
5) OMG - Usher (yeah I snuck that one in there, not bc its played here but because its that good)
4) Redone - Mika
3)Fire with Fire - Scissor Sisters
2) Like it - Enrique
1) Waving the Flag - Knaan
Besides the music though, European life is a totally differnt animal. The beggers are more respectful, the street perfiormers don't ask for money but rather do it for the love of street theater, and when I leave a restaurant I don't feel bloated and filled up not by my meal but by the bread. Europe, Italy especially, moves at a much slower pace in general, and I know that part of this is because I am used to the hustle and bustle of NYC but its more because of the way that Europeans tend to take it all in. INstead of rushing to their next endeavor, they stop for a coffee or a glass of wine. Bus Schedules exist, but when the bus drivers decide to stop hanging with their friends is when the bus actually leaves. 30 people could be on the bus waiting, but if they havent finished their coffee dont bother getting on the bus. It takes a while to adjust but once you do its actually really enjoyable. Stopping in a random wine bar/ store for a ero glass of wine, casual chatter with the owner, slowly downing it and going on with your usual routine is a way of life. It's been a real pleasure adoptiung their lifestyle.
with that said however, there are things I do miss. Bagels for instance, and as Jew this is a big loss. I miss watching my crappy fantasy team strike out every at-bat. Without boring you with a fantasy baseball story that you have no interest in I will say this, Jose Bautista connect on a cosmic level. When he is at bat I know he is thinking about me, kinda the way pigeons think about me when they see me barrel toward them. If my foot is the bat and the pigeon is the ball Jose and I have crushed this season. If the HUFF RYDAZ somehow deyfing expectationsand bring home a crown JB will be getting a glitter filled poster a la Brandon LLoyd circa 2005 sent to his address. I do miss real life at times though, and a piece of me wants to start having days dont feel like a Saturday, but then realize that I teach 7th graders and they are in the midst of puberty. Thankfully they will be spending the year making Jose Bautista and Matt Capps murals and collages.
One of my favorite things about travelling is meeting other travelers. Besides the meeting of new people and new friends, but also listening to the stories. For instance, the guy we met last year who is consequently renting our apartment for the month (How about turning off the AC once in a while, do you think I am made out of money???) told us about this great trip he did in Croatia. This year we took his suggestions, and you know what, it was amazing. We also met some Scots in Budapest a year ago, and this year randomly ran into them in Dubrovnick, and now have a girl that we met in Costa Rica crash on our couch for a week in October. OVerall, being with our backpackers is a real out of body experience as everyone is actrying to accomplish the ssame thing, see the world without breaking the bank. The characters that you meet and adventures tha you go on can't be accuratly explained in words.
Writing this blog has been a real cathartic experience for me, and I really believe that I have found my niche with this writing style. With one blog left or so, I want to thank everyone who has tuned in throughout and hope that you continue to read and enjoy when Foxx tackles the city starting in Septemeber.
One last thing: Take the money thats being offered, Darrel Revis. As Jet fans the chance to win a superbowl comes around once every ten years, maybe once every 20, and your a huge part of this dream. We will give you tons of money, maybe not as much as you want, but still barrels and barrels of it. Stop being so greedy, ruining my Hard Knocks and training camp reports and be the shutdown corner that I feel in love with.
Here is some pictures that blogger will actually allow me to upload without restarting my entire blog.
My super cute Dutch cousins:
The beautiful Croatian coast:
Cliff Jumping in Croatia:
The Canal parade two days after the final:
Homo chicken at its finest.
A cool picture from the Zoo:
The Castle in Dubrovnick:
Our Sail-Croatia boat:
Just learned that Gus Johnson is going to the be the voice of Madden 2011, and quite frankly I couldnt be more excited, I may even buy two copies. "Hi everybody I'm Gus Johnson and Welcome to Madden 2011, Sanchez drops back, Fires from the parking lot!!!Oh my goodness!!! The catch is PURE!!!! and BAM!!! he's down!!! 3 yard Completion!!!! 2nd down!!!"
European music really is something else. They beat the hell out of the songs worse than the states do, and they really dont play any rap (other than BOB) so the choices are very limited. Along with this, and brace yourself for this one, but MTV still plays music videos and not reality tv. This is a nice break except for the fact that they only choose to play these ten summer songs on repeat.
Here is the Top 5 songs played in Europe in order of the most heard:
5)Without you - Samanta Cole
4) Replay - Iyaz ( How ironic!!!)
3) California girls - Katy Perry (actually sorta of ironic)
2) Waving the flag - Knann
1) Africa - Shakira
My top 5 favorite songs heard in Europe:
5) OMG - Usher (yeah I snuck that one in there, not bc its played here but because its that good)
4) Redone - Mika
3)Fire with Fire - Scissor Sisters
2) Like it - Enrique
1) Waving the Flag - Knaan
Besides the music though, European life is a totally differnt animal. The beggers are more respectful, the street perfiormers don't ask for money but rather do it for the love of street theater, and when I leave a restaurant I don't feel bloated and filled up not by my meal but by the bread. Europe, Italy especially, moves at a much slower pace in general, and I know that part of this is because I am used to the hustle and bustle of NYC but its more because of the way that Europeans tend to take it all in. INstead of rushing to their next endeavor, they stop for a coffee or a glass of wine. Bus Schedules exist, but when the bus drivers decide to stop hanging with their friends is when the bus actually leaves. 30 people could be on the bus waiting, but if they havent finished their coffee dont bother getting on the bus. It takes a while to adjust but once you do its actually really enjoyable. Stopping in a random wine bar/ store for a ero glass of wine, casual chatter with the owner, slowly downing it and going on with your usual routine is a way of life. It's been a real pleasure adoptiung their lifestyle.
with that said however, there are things I do miss. Bagels for instance, and as Jew this is a big loss. I miss watching my crappy fantasy team strike out every at-bat. Without boring you with a fantasy baseball story that you have no interest in I will say this, Jose Bautista connect on a cosmic level. When he is at bat I know he is thinking about me, kinda the way pigeons think about me when they see me barrel toward them. If my foot is the bat and the pigeon is the ball Jose and I have crushed this season. If the HUFF RYDAZ somehow deyfing expectationsand bring home a crown JB will be getting a glitter filled poster a la Brandon LLoyd circa 2005 sent to his address. I do miss real life at times though, and a piece of me wants to start having days dont feel like a Saturday, but then realize that I teach 7th graders and they are in the midst of puberty. Thankfully they will be spending the year making Jose Bautista and Matt Capps murals and collages.
One of my favorite things about travelling is meeting other travelers. Besides the meeting of new people and new friends, but also listening to the stories. For instance, the guy we met last year who is consequently renting our apartment for the month (How about turning off the AC once in a while, do you think I am made out of money???) told us about this great trip he did in Croatia. This year we took his suggestions, and you know what, it was amazing. We also met some Scots in Budapest a year ago, and this year randomly ran into them in Dubrovnick, and now have a girl that we met in Costa Rica crash on our couch for a week in October. OVerall, being with our backpackers is a real out of body experience as everyone is actrying to accomplish the ssame thing, see the world without breaking the bank. The characters that you meet and adventures tha you go on can't be accuratly explained in words.
Writing this blog has been a real cathartic experience for me, and I really believe that I have found my niche with this writing style. With one blog left or so, I want to thank everyone who has tuned in throughout and hope that you continue to read and enjoy when Foxx tackles the city starting in Septemeber.
One last thing: Take the money thats being offered, Darrel Revis. As Jet fans the chance to win a superbowl comes around once every ten years, maybe once every 20, and your a huge part of this dream. We will give you tons of money, maybe not as much as you want, but still barrels and barrels of it. Stop being so greedy, ruining my Hard Knocks and training camp reports and be the shutdown corner that I feel in love with.
Here is some pictures that blogger will actually allow me to upload without restarting my entire blog.
My super cute Dutch cousins:
The beautiful Croatian coast:
Cliff Jumping in Croatia:
The Canal parade two days after the final:
Homo chicken at its finest.
A cool picture from the Zoo:
The Castle in Dubrovnick:
Our Sail-Croatia boat:
Sunday, August 8, 2010
V is for Venicetta
Malo mori
"Better to die than to be without wine"
Not that Italians have any problem with supply and demand of it. It is everywhere, it is cheap, and it is amazing. Red, white, grappa, or prosecco it doesn't matter, I've lived on a healthy diet of distilled grapes. It's smooth out of a bottle or a nice glass in a quaint restaurant, but nothing says class like a squirt bottle of red wine. It's cheaper, easier and gets you tipsy by 3:30.
Most accessible items in Italy at any time of day or night:
1) Fresh water
2) Wine
3) Pizza
4) Gelatto
5) Pigeons (sigh)
Venice haiku:
Lovers ride canals
On romantic boat journeys
but we watch ashore
Canal haiku:
Canal tours aren't
For backpackers on budget
Sixty euros you wish!
Double rainbow is by far my favorite youtube clip of the summer, actually double rainbow song is, but you can't understand the song without watching the video first. It is incredibly stupid, but has over 3.5 million views, see I'm not the only one. The situation interviewed by Wolf Blitzer is my second favorite, but its about a year old. Make sure that you dumb yourself down thoroughly with by indulging yourself heavily in recreational narcotics before you watch them....not that I condone that.
I've seen about 1000 sculptures this summer in various Italian scenery and museums. Most of them are nude as well. Now in every single one of these sculptures, woman have perfectly shaped and supple breasts. None of them are droopy or misshapen, nor do they seem to have a single imperfection in them...not that I'm complaining. The men on the other hand however are not portrayed nearly as favorable. Let's just say that their testicles are very very descended from their bodies, and their penises are, well, how do I say this, shriveled. For men that are sculpted because they were perceived as gods, weren't exactly given godly proportions below the belt. Not that I'm complaining, my ummm, ego has never felt bigger.
Italian tv is beyond brutal, not only do they do dub every single possible american show that they put on, but they also use the worst accents to portray these Americans. Every time I put it on I find a movie that is tolerable, only to have it ruined by its Italian translation. But there is one show that has captured my attention. "Vedelo" appears every evening on Italian TV, somehow always during the 10 minutes that I actually stop to give it a chance. The premise is simple, yet quite astonishing, 6 woman over 65 compete to win a title of the most talented senior citizen, yes, you heard all of that correctly. Think of it as reverse American Idol, but instead of Seacrest they have a middle aged Pier Morgan look alike. There is no snarky judge, pill hungry pop star, or a "dog" for that matter, instead at the end the winner is randomly choosen by the contestant that shows a picture of there family. Its completely ridiculous, but here is the best part. The woman get the choice of 3 different ways to show there talent, sing, dance, or work the stripper pole. Yes, you have still read everything correctly. Once they have finished they get another 30 seconds to show off their moves on the dance floor...even if dancing was already there talent. That's the entire show, there is a hot chick who opens the show with the same dance routine as the day before, and a red muppet type character who speaks as if he has smoked cigarettes for the past 40 years. Every show is completely the same, and non-sensical. Here is the best part, it is, and has been, the highest rated show in Italy for the past year. Considering everything else on Italian TV I can consider why, Its consequently been my favorite show on TV the past 3 weeks.
Leaning tower of Pisa, not that cool. Then again I think I saw it around 3:45, so it may not have been the only thing tipping over at the time.
Venice also happens to be the city of pigeons, and if you read my other blogs you know how I feel about pigeons. Its basically become an obsession, I think about them, I talk about them, I take pictures of them and most importantly I kick the living snot out of them. So I am in St. Marks square (incredible by the way) when I see a pigeon haphazardly walking in front of me. I line it up and do my best Ray Finkel impression, the pigeon goes wide left, but his feathers go straight through on through my imaginary goal post. I did my inner Roy Hobbs as the feathers rained down my shoulders and let my hands raise in victory until I turn around and see Laura and half of Italy staring at me in horror. "I can't do this anymore" is all she said.
Ciao.
"Better to die than to be without wine"
Not that Italians have any problem with supply and demand of it. It is everywhere, it is cheap, and it is amazing. Red, white, grappa, or prosecco it doesn't matter, I've lived on a healthy diet of distilled grapes. It's smooth out of a bottle or a nice glass in a quaint restaurant, but nothing says class like a squirt bottle of red wine. It's cheaper, easier and gets you tipsy by 3:30.
Most accessible items in Italy at any time of day or night:
1) Fresh water
2) Wine
3) Pizza
4) Gelatto
5) Pigeons (sigh)
Venice haiku:
Lovers ride canals
On romantic boat journeys
but we watch ashore
Canal haiku:
Canal tours aren't
For backpackers on budget
Sixty euros you wish!
Double rainbow is by far my favorite youtube clip of the summer, actually double rainbow song is, but you can't understand the song without watching the video first. It is incredibly stupid, but has over 3.5 million views, see I'm not the only one. The situation interviewed by Wolf Blitzer is my second favorite, but its about a year old. Make sure that you dumb yourself down thoroughly with by indulging yourself heavily in recreational narcotics before you watch them....not that I condone that.
I've seen about 1000 sculptures this summer in various Italian scenery and museums. Most of them are nude as well. Now in every single one of these sculptures, woman have perfectly shaped and supple breasts. None of them are droopy or misshapen, nor do they seem to have a single imperfection in them...not that I'm complaining. The men on the other hand however are not portrayed nearly as favorable. Let's just say that their testicles are very very descended from their bodies, and their penises are, well, how do I say this, shriveled. For men that are sculpted because they were perceived as gods, weren't exactly given godly proportions below the belt. Not that I'm complaining, my ummm, ego has never felt bigger.
Italian tv is beyond brutal, not only do they do dub every single possible american show that they put on, but they also use the worst accents to portray these Americans. Every time I put it on I find a movie that is tolerable, only to have it ruined by its Italian translation. But there is one show that has captured my attention. "Vedelo" appears every evening on Italian TV, somehow always during the 10 minutes that I actually stop to give it a chance. The premise is simple, yet quite astonishing, 6 woman over 65 compete to win a title of the most talented senior citizen, yes, you heard all of that correctly. Think of it as reverse American Idol, but instead of Seacrest they have a middle aged Pier Morgan look alike. There is no snarky judge, pill hungry pop star, or a "dog" for that matter, instead at the end the winner is randomly choosen by the contestant that shows a picture of there family. Its completely ridiculous, but here is the best part. The woman get the choice of 3 different ways to show there talent, sing, dance, or work the stripper pole. Yes, you have still read everything correctly. Once they have finished they get another 30 seconds to show off their moves on the dance floor...even if dancing was already there talent. That's the entire show, there is a hot chick who opens the show with the same dance routine as the day before, and a red muppet type character who speaks as if he has smoked cigarettes for the past 40 years. Every show is completely the same, and non-sensical. Here is the best part, it is, and has been, the highest rated show in Italy for the past year. Considering everything else on Italian TV I can consider why, Its consequently been my favorite show on TV the past 3 weeks.
Leaning tower of Pisa, not that cool. Then again I think I saw it around 3:45, so it may not have been the only thing tipping over at the time.
Venice also happens to be the city of pigeons, and if you read my other blogs you know how I feel about pigeons. Its basically become an obsession, I think about them, I talk about them, I take pictures of them and most importantly I kick the living snot out of them. So I am in St. Marks square (incredible by the way) when I see a pigeon haphazardly walking in front of me. I line it up and do my best Ray Finkel impression, the pigeon goes wide left, but his feathers go straight through on through my imaginary goal post. I did my inner Roy Hobbs as the feathers rained down my shoulders and let my hands raise in victory until I turn around and see Laura and half of Italy staring at me in horror. "I can't do this anymore" is all she said.
Ciao.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Friends romans countryman lend me your blog!
Rome, a place for lovers, gladiators, ruins, and the occasional awkward dinner. Waiting 45 minutes for the best pizza in Italy is one thing, pretending not to look forward for the next 45 is an entirely different entity in itself. If you have ever been to a busy restaurant, or a New York restaurant for that matter, you know that you are packed on top of each other like mattresses on a pea. Now, although you are basically in eavesdropping distance of anyone in the restaurant it is assumed that you and your dinner partner will face each other...then talk about what everyone else is. Not the case in Italy however; the pizza was out of this world, the awkwardness was too. As we finally had our number called we were about to sit down at a table that currently looked like this - .I. - naturally we figured we would take the other 2 spots and although we would be very close to our new friends, we would be generally be able to ignore there presence. However, when they saw that they would be sharing a 4 person table with...wait for it because its going to blow your mind....4 people! They decided to move next to each other in a formation looking like this - :I - which meant that not only did Laura and I have to sit next to each other (already a big no-no in my dating book) but we would have to spend the entire meal staring across the table not at each other, but at these two neophytes who seemed old enough to have been around since the very first pizza. Well, first off they didn't speak English, so naturally I did all I could to make fun of them to there face. Turns out its not as funny as in the movies, they kinda just sit there and stare. So here we are :I:, laura and I on the left side trying to make as much conversation as possible in order to make the already awkward situation seem even more so for them bc it looked like we were having such a good time...we weren't. Then the pizza came, which was amazing, however their eating habits were not. Multiple times I had to stare down at my own plate in order to avoid seeing either one of them slurp cheese into there mouths with long strings of mozz still stringing from there plates. Not to mention that the old man sitting across from me took and drank my beer by accident mistaking it for his. Needless to say it was my last sip of alcohol that meal. I'm a slow eater in general, but I am pretty sure the woman had finished hers before I had finished cutting mine. I can't know for sure, but I think they realized there mistake, at least their silence did. It was a Roman tragedy fit for the stage, 15 years from now I won't remember the pizza, but ill never forget the meal. Moral of the story kids: Never sit next to your date at dinner, not even at the counter.
Here is a picture that I fake took of my pizza but really of them.
Why do I lose all the things I love? First my fan, then the pillow, now my favorite water bottle. I'm gonna tether laura to me otherwise I may never see her again. Overall though, its been a pretty devastating summer for my possessions.
My 10 Levels of devastation:
10 -loss of a family member
9 - a close friend
8 - an important pet
7 - your first love (or any other subsequent love that broke your heart)
6 - a choke job in the playoffs of your favorite team
5 - a crushing loss in a fantasy playoff
4 - a favorite article of clothing lost or ruined
3 - missing a train or bus by seconds
2 - a crushing regular season fantasy loss
1 - losing your favorite pen
Some devasting events from this summer:
Hi C pillow - 7
Gatorade water bottle - 5
Travel fan - 3
Doug Brien 2005 playoffs - 6.5 (not the summer, but that one really hurt)
Holland's world cup finale - 6
Lebron to heat - 3*
Oil spill - 3.5 (I'm a sucker for the brackish waters)
Dennis Hoppers death - 4
Eva Mendez S.EX tape - 10
*I saw my first Lebron heat jersey today. It was 5 sizes to big on an Italian male who probably doesn't watch the NBA. I'm nervous that I'm classroom is gonna be filled with Miami Cheats jerseys. Also Chris Bosh Raptors Jersey is still going for market price in athletic stores here, so really do they actually know what's going on in the NBA? I also mention LBJ later on in this post, for someone who has completely flip flopped on his LBJ approval rating, he gets mentioned in almost every post (sigh).
I doubt any of you were actually going to see "Step Up 3-D" but if this movie review doesn't convince you otherwise I don't know what will. Even if you have no interest, such as I, the review itself is absolutely hilarious and a worthy read.
Pete Zahut Says Part 3D Is 'the worst fucking movie ever made!
http:/www.aintitcool.com node/46003
So I sweat, like a lot, and Europe is hot, like very. I'm ok with this, but nonetheless I sweat like a fat guy chasing a cupcake up a hill in 90 degree heat. My sweating however is very concentrated though, my arm pits remain mostly dry as does my neck and chest, but I do have a specific area where I produce what I am calling "The sweat belt". It starts right below my rib cage on both sides and slowly inches its way straight across my belly right above the button. On a good day you can spot the belt clearly in any picture I take. It doesn't help that I usually rest most of my cold drinks on the belt which makes it stick around that much longer. Luckily my sweating is usually very controlled and that's where it stops, occasionally creeping to the back though on extreme days. The SB however is something to be proud now that I noticed other sweaters around me.
Here is a comprehensive list of people sweat through their shirts just like I do.
The artichoke - a nice heart shaped sweat mark right in the middle of the lungs.
The neck sweat - a ring around the neck of both sides of the t shirt, the true mark of a sweater.
The pit stain - self explanatory
The back drip - more gross than it seems because not only does it cover the entire back, but it also has partial neck sweat potential.
Box O sweat - where the sweater fills their boxers with straight perspiration. The nastiest of all sweat related activities bc its unseen yet in the worst area.
Now that you have seen all contestants, tell me, is the belt really the worst thing that could sweat to me?
There's nothing quite like seeing something out of place. Now as you know I am a sucker for outdoor music, but what I saw yesterday doesn't exactly qualify for neither music nor normal. So let's take a page out of Daniel Tosh's playbook and break this picture down, minute detail by minute detail in this weeks blog breakdown. (Sorry no video)
As you can clearly see, she is playing to an audience of about 8 people, and even they seem bored. Nobody is even attempting to stand, and if it wasn't for the comfy plastic seats she may have had nobody. I think the entire front row may be checking their cell phones.
The lead singer is wearing some sort of plaid pajama type uniform that hasn't been popular since 199-never. Not even retro snowboarders try and pull off that look. The last time I saw someone rock an outfit like that they were being used as a rug.
Naturally she is singing Sweet home Alabama, yet she is neither from Alabama nor has any connection to why it would be sweet to her. Between her broken English and crocs I am failing to see the connection here. Even the locals don't seem impressed as I can hear them say (translated by laura) "she must be singing for tourists bc otherwise she would be singing italian songs." Which by the way she interludes her linguistic skills in between songs by acknowledging that the only people who understand the song have no idea what she is saying. I can't understand what she is saying during or after her songs. That's ok, because Meat Loaf is a perfect choice for her to follow up with, followed by Eric Clapton, she is destroying every greatest hits cd of classic rock I listened to in high school.
The classically trained string quartet doesn't seem to be very amused either, but would you be? You spend your entire life in order to watch someone else butcher songs that you didn't want to play in the first place. I think I see the keyboardist putting on a confederate flag bandana on his head for effect. "Should we start with Carmen or the Ninth symphony?" "How about 'Help' from the beatles?" The entire set was a cry for help, except nobody was listening.
Finally, her voice is being overpowered by the turbine to the left of her in the water. If they really wanted to drown her out they should have put the mike there. In fact, the music would probably be more soothing and audible.
But Italian Catherine Keener you gave me something to blog about, so for that I thank you.
On our way home the other night we ran right into a Roman student protest. When asking a cop what they were doing his response was "they're just students sitting there." Nope they are definitely protesting something. Since I love chanting and the prospect of both free food and revolutions I joined right in. Now, I speak no Italian, and only understand words that describe food, but a free sandwich is a free sandwich. Even after a 120 second google search I still have no idea what 200 degrees (their protest name) was protesting, regardless my chants went something like this.
"I'll chant anything! I'll chant anything! Give me a sandwich! Give me a sandwich! Do you have anything with ham? Do you have anything with ham?"
I took my salami sandwich, didn't see any noticible impacts being made, and did what I never got a chance to do in college but never got a chance to do: fight for something I really never believed in the first place in hopes that a riot would ensue.
The Coliseum was beyond amazing. Besides the fact that it has survived an earthquake and daily tours, it is one of the most amazing wonders of the world left standing. I still can't believe that I was standing in the same place that Jumper was filmed. I mean Hayden Fucking Christianson. Wow, dreams do come true. Fun fact: Did you know that gladiators had to win 5 battles in order to be given freedom, but rarely survived all 5. I think Russell Crowe would actually have survived all 5 but instead of a shield he would have to be given a phone.
Sistine chapel was also one of those awe inspiring wonders but I have nothing interesting to blog about it so ill just say it was amazing. Although I'm not gonna lie, when I saw the famous god/man painting all I could think about was George Michael, Buster and George Senior from Arrested Development. TV and movies has stunted my intellectual growth beyond repair.
Asians tourists are really funny. That's it, they just are. Next time you see an Asian tourist look for these noticible attributes and try not to chuckle.
•An overpriced hat that was clearly bought on vacation that is trapping 80% of their body heat.
•A sun umbrella. I really don't understand the point of these, but nevertheless they are ubiquitous.
• A rolling camcorder that captures every possible image. That they can film. Little do they realize that no one else, including themselves, want to watch any of this horrible footage.
• Sunglasses that do not fit their face whatsoever and make them immediately look ridiculous and unnatural
If you spot a tourist not doing one of these things please report them to the nearest I love "city name" kiosk.
The longest neck ever seen:
Believe it or not that is not a Roman statue.
There is a law that allows cats to live in Rome without disruption in the place where they were born. If you look carefully, you will see hundreds of wild cats climbing the walls of the Colosseum, the forum and sleeping among the ruins. Now all we need is a law allowing Johan to live among these cats and will be set. Over/under on when I go from normal adult to crazy cat/dog lover (aka Will Lang): age 39. I'd take the under.
So Croatia and Italy is known for having delicious ice cream, actually gelato, and I indulge myself at least once a day. As much as I love it, I do not love the cones, and never finish them. I also hate pigeons, I mean I hate those damn rats with wings. I scold young children when they feed them and generally kick or punch them whenever possible. However when I finish half of my ice cream I always crunch my cone in the hands, do my best Lebron James impression, and yell "FOR THE BIRDS!!!" The ironic part, the birds that I am feeding are most likely pigeons. Merda.
Book count: Johan 7, Laura 15.
Next stop Florence.
Caio. Caio.
Here is a picture that I fake took of my pizza but really of them.
Why do I lose all the things I love? First my fan, then the pillow, now my favorite water bottle. I'm gonna tether laura to me otherwise I may never see her again. Overall though, its been a pretty devastating summer for my possessions.
My 10 Levels of devastation:
10 -loss of a family member
9 - a close friend
8 - an important pet
7 - your first love (or any other subsequent love that broke your heart)
6 - a choke job in the playoffs of your favorite team
5 - a crushing loss in a fantasy playoff
4 - a favorite article of clothing lost or ruined
3 - missing a train or bus by seconds
2 - a crushing regular season fantasy loss
1 - losing your favorite pen
Some devasting events from this summer:
Hi C pillow - 7
Gatorade water bottle - 5
Travel fan - 3
Doug Brien 2005 playoffs - 6.5 (not the summer, but that one really hurt)
Holland's world cup finale - 6
Lebron to heat - 3*
Oil spill - 3.5 (I'm a sucker for the brackish waters)
Dennis Hoppers death - 4
Eva Mendez S.EX tape - 10
*I saw my first Lebron heat jersey today. It was 5 sizes to big on an Italian male who probably doesn't watch the NBA. I'm nervous that I'm classroom is gonna be filled with Miami Cheats jerseys. Also Chris Bosh Raptors Jersey is still going for market price in athletic stores here, so really do they actually know what's going on in the NBA? I also mention LBJ later on in this post, for someone who has completely flip flopped on his LBJ approval rating, he gets mentioned in almost every post (sigh).
I doubt any of you were actually going to see "Step Up 3-D" but if this movie review doesn't convince you otherwise I don't know what will. Even if you have no interest, such as I, the review itself is absolutely hilarious and a worthy read.
Pete Zahut Says Part 3D Is 'the worst fucking movie ever made!
http:/www.aintitcool.com node/46003
So I sweat, like a lot, and Europe is hot, like very. I'm ok with this, but nonetheless I sweat like a fat guy chasing a cupcake up a hill in 90 degree heat. My sweating however is very concentrated though, my arm pits remain mostly dry as does my neck and chest, but I do have a specific area where I produce what I am calling "The sweat belt". It starts right below my rib cage on both sides and slowly inches its way straight across my belly right above the button. On a good day you can spot the belt clearly in any picture I take. It doesn't help that I usually rest most of my cold drinks on the belt which makes it stick around that much longer. Luckily my sweating is usually very controlled and that's where it stops, occasionally creeping to the back though on extreme days. The SB however is something to be proud now that I noticed other sweaters around me.
Here is a comprehensive list of people sweat through their shirts just like I do.
The artichoke - a nice heart shaped sweat mark right in the middle of the lungs.
The neck sweat - a ring around the neck of both sides of the t shirt, the true mark of a sweater.
The pit stain - self explanatory
The back drip - more gross than it seems because not only does it cover the entire back, but it also has partial neck sweat potential.
Box O sweat - where the sweater fills their boxers with straight perspiration. The nastiest of all sweat related activities bc its unseen yet in the worst area.
Now that you have seen all contestants, tell me, is the belt really the worst thing that could sweat to me?
There's nothing quite like seeing something out of place. Now as you know I am a sucker for outdoor music, but what I saw yesterday doesn't exactly qualify for neither music nor normal. So let's take a page out of Daniel Tosh's playbook and break this picture down, minute detail by minute detail in this weeks blog breakdown. (Sorry no video)
As you can clearly see, she is playing to an audience of about 8 people, and even they seem bored. Nobody is even attempting to stand, and if it wasn't for the comfy plastic seats she may have had nobody. I think the entire front row may be checking their cell phones.
The lead singer is wearing some sort of plaid pajama type uniform that hasn't been popular since 199-never. Not even retro snowboarders try and pull off that look. The last time I saw someone rock an outfit like that they were being used as a rug.
Naturally she is singing Sweet home Alabama, yet she is neither from Alabama nor has any connection to why it would be sweet to her. Between her broken English and crocs I am failing to see the connection here. Even the locals don't seem impressed as I can hear them say (translated by laura) "she must be singing for tourists bc otherwise she would be singing italian songs." Which by the way she interludes her linguistic skills in between songs by acknowledging that the only people who understand the song have no idea what she is saying. I can't understand what she is saying during or after her songs. That's ok, because Meat Loaf is a perfect choice for her to follow up with, followed by Eric Clapton, she is destroying every greatest hits cd of classic rock I listened to in high school.
The classically trained string quartet doesn't seem to be very amused either, but would you be? You spend your entire life in order to watch someone else butcher songs that you didn't want to play in the first place. I think I see the keyboardist putting on a confederate flag bandana on his head for effect. "Should we start with Carmen or the Ninth symphony?" "How about 'Help' from the beatles?" The entire set was a cry for help, except nobody was listening.
Finally, her voice is being overpowered by the turbine to the left of her in the water. If they really wanted to drown her out they should have put the mike there. In fact, the music would probably be more soothing and audible.
But Italian Catherine Keener you gave me something to blog about, so for that I thank you.
On our way home the other night we ran right into a Roman student protest. When asking a cop what they were doing his response was "they're just students sitting there." Nope they are definitely protesting something. Since I love chanting and the prospect of both free food and revolutions I joined right in. Now, I speak no Italian, and only understand words that describe food, but a free sandwich is a free sandwich. Even after a 120 second google search I still have no idea what 200 degrees (their protest name) was protesting, regardless my chants went something like this.
"I'll chant anything! I'll chant anything! Give me a sandwich! Give me a sandwich! Do you have anything with ham? Do you have anything with ham?"
I took my salami sandwich, didn't see any noticible impacts being made, and did what I never got a chance to do in college but never got a chance to do: fight for something I really never believed in the first place in hopes that a riot would ensue.
The Coliseum was beyond amazing. Besides the fact that it has survived an earthquake and daily tours, it is one of the most amazing wonders of the world left standing. I still can't believe that I was standing in the same place that Jumper was filmed. I mean Hayden Fucking Christianson. Wow, dreams do come true. Fun fact: Did you know that gladiators had to win 5 battles in order to be given freedom, but rarely survived all 5. I think Russell Crowe would actually have survived all 5 but instead of a shield he would have to be given a phone.
Sistine chapel was also one of those awe inspiring wonders but I have nothing interesting to blog about it so ill just say it was amazing. Although I'm not gonna lie, when I saw the famous god/man painting all I could think about was George Michael, Buster and George Senior from Arrested Development. TV and movies has stunted my intellectual growth beyond repair.
Asians tourists are really funny. That's it, they just are. Next time you see an Asian tourist look for these noticible attributes and try not to chuckle.
•An overpriced hat that was clearly bought on vacation that is trapping 80% of their body heat.
•A sun umbrella. I really don't understand the point of these, but nevertheless they are ubiquitous.
• A rolling camcorder that captures every possible image. That they can film. Little do they realize that no one else, including themselves, want to watch any of this horrible footage.
• Sunglasses that do not fit their face whatsoever and make them immediately look ridiculous and unnatural
If you spot a tourist not doing one of these things please report them to the nearest I love "city name" kiosk.
The longest neck ever seen:
Believe it or not that is not a Roman statue.
There is a law that allows cats to live in Rome without disruption in the place where they were born. If you look carefully, you will see hundreds of wild cats climbing the walls of the Colosseum, the forum and sleeping among the ruins. Now all we need is a law allowing Johan to live among these cats and will be set. Over/under on when I go from normal adult to crazy cat/dog lover (aka Will Lang): age 39. I'd take the under.
So Croatia and Italy is known for having delicious ice cream, actually gelato, and I indulge myself at least once a day. As much as I love it, I do not love the cones, and never finish them. I also hate pigeons, I mean I hate those damn rats with wings. I scold young children when they feed them and generally kick or punch them whenever possible. However when I finish half of my ice cream I always crunch my cone in the hands, do my best Lebron James impression, and yell "FOR THE BIRDS!!!" The ironic part, the birds that I am feeding are most likely pigeons. Merda.
Book count: Johan 7, Laura 15.
Next stop Florence.
Caio. Caio.
Friday, July 30, 2010
when you see the dumpsters, u've made it home
Naples aka New Jersey is a hot, dirty, gross city that I don't even think the Italians want to be part of. If Rome is New York, then Naples is definitely its ugly cousin. The smell of garbage is ubiquitous in this city, its as if Oscar the grouch took residency here, but instead of finding one dumpster to live in, he nomadically lived in hundreds. Naturally I tried to lean on almost all of them.
A striking feature of Naples is the fact that it has 448 historical churches, making it one of the most Catholic cities in the world. So naturally its the perfect place for a Jew.
Did you know that there are black people in Italy? I didn't. Apparently the italians aren't too thrilled about it either. Whoa, did that just come out as extremely racist, I think it did. Did I mention how much I loved Boyz in the hood? Wait, that makes me seem like I'm trying to hard. I'm wayne brady's biggest fan, the perfect alibi, even black people don't consider him african american.
Yup, I have just crossed the threshold of 'look how racist I can seem by telling people how racist I'm not'. I have black friends by the way....ok one black friend.
Random Napoli Tally:
African Americans in Naples: 60
Temples in Naples: 0
Jews in Naples: 1
It's as if the italian government decided 75 years ago that they would try and limit all of the jews and blacks in exchange for horribly mismatched clothing styles involving the brightest colors imaginable. Quite frankly, I think they made the right choice. Hot pink capri shorts go perfectly with your lime green donald duck tee and skechers, signore.
Do you think Africa is openly disgusted by Shakira at this point? At first they were probably loving the fact that a pop song put them on the map, but between the world cup and endless radio play they are now entering what I call "the empire state of mind effect" where at first you can't wait to hear the song on, it brings the house down in bars, and its almost certain to be played at least once in a sporting event, but now its become that song for locals about New York. You may scoff now Katie Perry fans, but youre next.
Other empire state of mind effect finalists:
Lynrd skynard - sweet home Alabama
Shipping up to boston - drop kick murphys
Viva las vegas - Elvis
Concord road - mr. Squilante
One flaw in this theory, I still go ape shit when Jay Z comes on. But apparently the Saffas do not, thus how the theory began. I hate to say it, but I think South beach is next. "After 6 years on Degrassi, I've decided to take my chorus to Miami" - Drake
It was tough, but I finally said goodbye to the mullet and let Scrappy Coco make me silky smooth. People kill for Italian haircuts, I had an hour to kill. Not that I'm complaining, Zohan made me silky smooth, but really was there any doubt? I have the most versatile hair in the game today. There was something oddly satisfying about the way italian zohan massaged my scalp to Color Me Badd. He sexed up my hair in all the right ways. For better or worse I did not get the back room treatment after he was done, and I thought that my 5 euro tip would at least give me a gel job.
Scaled Rating of Naples:
Cleanliness: 1
Nightlife: 2
Safety: 1
Prettiness: 1
Tourist attractions: 1
Museums: 1
Churches: 448 (but really a 3)
Food: 2
People: 2
Good looking italian male hairdressers: 9
Pizza: 10
Hands down the best pizza I've ever had in my life. Sorry Dubrovnick, but did you really stand a chance against the birthplace of pizza? I think not. As delicious as the pizza has been, don't put pictures of your pizza making italian grandmother on your menu when its clearly visible that its the crying indian from US. Just saying.
Spent the day in Pompei today, since I am a teacher I think its time I took you fools to school for a very brief history lesson. Pompei was victim to the worlds most famous volcano disaster, also known as the first time 13 year old boys opened their first playboy. Mt vesuvious eruption has happened 3 times since then in the last 4 thousand years, suffice it to say I was dissapointed when I left without an erupting volcano or destroyed town. The entire city was buried under lava killing 10% of the cities population. Because of this catastrophic demise pompei has become Italy's top tourist attraction with about 2.3 million people going to see the ruins of the old city. I'm no math major, but I'd say that is worth 2000 deaths, and if you don't believe me, believe the t-shirt that I bought that says "2000 people died in vain so Johan + Laura could spend 11 euros and 2 hours walking around rubble"
(Disclaimer: shirt doesn't actually exist...yet)
RIP my favorite pillow of all time. Also RIP my travel fan, but that happened a few weeks ago and wasn't nearly as devestaing. My Hi-C pillow though has survived through 7 years, 4 relationships, 5 different apartments/houses, 3 pillow cases, 2 different burnings and subsequent sew job, 1 derek, and a thousand wonderful nights. My only hope that is that some lucky child in Faeto is enjoying it as much as I would...even if she doesn't know what HI-C is. I will not rest until I find a replacement though, and will search the Amazon until I do. You can find me on the bathroom floor between the hours of 2-4 and 6-8, refreshments will be served at the bar inbetween. Visiting hours are when you hear the shower running, as it is the only thing that can sufficiently mask my tears. I piece of me thought that Foxx jr. would be sleeping with HI-C when he was younger. You will be missed dear pillow, REST IN FAETO sweet prince.
Jersey Shore reruns are on MTV italy, and oddly enough it is one of the few programs here that are not dubbed, but really how do you dub sayings like "Wah", "Haterade" and "The Sitch". Watching it here though makes me wonder what Italians actually think of it.
"Is this what happens to us when we become Americanized?"
"Your right, let's just go to Naples instead"
Ciao.
A striking feature of Naples is the fact that it has 448 historical churches, making it one of the most Catholic cities in the world. So naturally its the perfect place for a Jew.
Did you know that there are black people in Italy? I didn't. Apparently the italians aren't too thrilled about it either. Whoa, did that just come out as extremely racist, I think it did. Did I mention how much I loved Boyz in the hood? Wait, that makes me seem like I'm trying to hard. I'm wayne brady's biggest fan, the perfect alibi, even black people don't consider him african american.
Yup, I have just crossed the threshold of 'look how racist I can seem by telling people how racist I'm not'. I have black friends by the way....ok one black friend.
Random Napoli Tally:
African Americans in Naples: 60
Temples in Naples: 0
Jews in Naples: 1
It's as if the italian government decided 75 years ago that they would try and limit all of the jews and blacks in exchange for horribly mismatched clothing styles involving the brightest colors imaginable. Quite frankly, I think they made the right choice. Hot pink capri shorts go perfectly with your lime green donald duck tee and skechers, signore.
Do you think Africa is openly disgusted by Shakira at this point? At first they were probably loving the fact that a pop song put them on the map, but between the world cup and endless radio play they are now entering what I call "the empire state of mind effect" where at first you can't wait to hear the song on, it brings the house down in bars, and its almost certain to be played at least once in a sporting event, but now its become that song for locals about New York. You may scoff now Katie Perry fans, but youre next.
Other empire state of mind effect finalists:
Lynrd skynard - sweet home Alabama
Shipping up to boston - drop kick murphys
Viva las vegas - Elvis
Concord road - mr. Squilante
One flaw in this theory, I still go ape shit when Jay Z comes on. But apparently the Saffas do not, thus how the theory began. I hate to say it, but I think South beach is next. "After 6 years on Degrassi, I've decided to take my chorus to Miami" - Drake
It was tough, but I finally said goodbye to the mullet and let Scrappy Coco make me silky smooth. People kill for Italian haircuts, I had an hour to kill. Not that I'm complaining, Zohan made me silky smooth, but really was there any doubt? I have the most versatile hair in the game today. There was something oddly satisfying about the way italian zohan massaged my scalp to Color Me Badd. He sexed up my hair in all the right ways. For better or worse I did not get the back room treatment after he was done, and I thought that my 5 euro tip would at least give me a gel job.
Scaled Rating of Naples:
Cleanliness: 1
Nightlife: 2
Safety: 1
Prettiness: 1
Tourist attractions: 1
Museums: 1
Churches: 448 (but really a 3)
Food: 2
People: 2
Good looking italian male hairdressers: 9
Pizza: 10
Hands down the best pizza I've ever had in my life. Sorry Dubrovnick, but did you really stand a chance against the birthplace of pizza? I think not. As delicious as the pizza has been, don't put pictures of your pizza making italian grandmother on your menu when its clearly visible that its the crying indian from US. Just saying.
Spent the day in Pompei today, since I am a teacher I think its time I took you fools to school for a very brief history lesson. Pompei was victim to the worlds most famous volcano disaster, also known as the first time 13 year old boys opened their first playboy. Mt vesuvious eruption has happened 3 times since then in the last 4 thousand years, suffice it to say I was dissapointed when I left without an erupting volcano or destroyed town. The entire city was buried under lava killing 10% of the cities population. Because of this catastrophic demise pompei has become Italy's top tourist attraction with about 2.3 million people going to see the ruins of the old city. I'm no math major, but I'd say that is worth 2000 deaths, and if you don't believe me, believe the t-shirt that I bought that says "2000 people died in vain so Johan + Laura could spend 11 euros and 2 hours walking around rubble"
(Disclaimer: shirt doesn't actually exist...yet)
RIP my favorite pillow of all time. Also RIP my travel fan, but that happened a few weeks ago and wasn't nearly as devestaing. My Hi-C pillow though has survived through 7 years, 4 relationships, 5 different apartments/houses, 3 pillow cases, 2 different burnings and subsequent sew job, 1 derek, and a thousand wonderful nights. My only hope that is that some lucky child in Faeto is enjoying it as much as I would...even if she doesn't know what HI-C is. I will not rest until I find a replacement though, and will search the Amazon until I do. You can find me on the bathroom floor between the hours of 2-4 and 6-8, refreshments will be served at the bar inbetween. Visiting hours are when you hear the shower running, as it is the only thing that can sufficiently mask my tears. I piece of me thought that Foxx jr. would be sleeping with HI-C when he was younger. You will be missed dear pillow, REST IN FAETO sweet prince.
Jersey Shore reruns are on MTV italy, and oddly enough it is one of the few programs here that are not dubbed, but really how do you dub sayings like "Wah", "Haterade" and "The Sitch". Watching it here though makes me wonder what Italians actually think of it.
"Is this what happens to us when we become Americanized?"
"Your right, let's just go to Naples instead"
Ciao.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The Human Zoo
Just because I have blond hair and blue eyes does not me an alien nor a freak show. Having a mullet on the other hand does, but that's for another blog. We are currently in the very small, very sheltered, and very remote town of Faeto, Italy taking in some of the more ancestral parts of Laura's extended family.
Few things you need to know about Faeto: You will not find it on a map
It takes all of 45 minutes to explore
No one is above 8 or under 80.
And they have never seen a dutch jew in their life.
I take pictures of the scenery, they take pictures of me. I have never seen so many people stop what they were doing and stare at me. I know that they have never seen a Dutch Jew before, but now I am starting to think they have never seen someone blond before either. I am positive that we are the talk of the town. "There is an italian girl walking around here, and she has some foreign creature with her, and get this, he's a blond American!" "What should we do?" "Point, stare, and say Buongiorno" "Perfect, he won't know what to say next"
Even the dogs stare at me, and I am not kidding, they are literally stopping what they are doing and quizzically focus on the strange rectangle trying to pet them.
A part of me wants to scream "Take your paws off me you dirty wop!" And all the time Laura is just chatting away with them as if I don't exist, but I know she is talking about me. I am here, Faeto, and the bus doesn't leave for 2 more days!!! You can find me in room 104, a euro will buy you some face time, 2 euros will buy you a dance, and me a beer. Just call me "The token American."
Things you will not find in Faeto:
movie theater or any type of theater of its kind
Paved roads
People under 80
mayor (most likely)
Night/dance club
hospital
pharmacy
Electricity (just kidding)
The olympics
Budweiser
Americans like me
Another thing that I have noticed is that I tend to stand as close as humanly possible to garbage at all times. It is not as if I want to go swimming in it, but rather unequivocally find myself drawn to it. Possibly because the smell is most closely related to my own pungent body odor, but I think the real reason is because I am guy who likes to lean on stuff. And when you waiting for a bus or train, what's the most accessible thing to lean on that can always be found around there. Yes, a pole or map would probably be more hygienic and provide better back support, but there is something about putting your elbow around a swarm of bees and overflow of cigarette butts and empties. Everytime too, its like a natural instinct, and the worst part, I don't even consider moving until Laura goes "what are you doing?" So today, I decided to sit on a bench while I waited for a bus, and it took all my energy to make that decision. Yup, this is what I think about on vacation.
Since I have not been on the internet in weeks, judging by podcasts "The Miami Cheats" are by far my favorite new nickname for the big 3, although ironically they did nothing wrong....other than ruin Lebron's legacy. Speaking of ironic, my favorite pizza thus far is from a restaurant in Croatia, not Italy. That better change, I'm counting on you Naples.
One thing that I must say is amazing about Croatia and Italy is the ice cream, actually its gelato, but its cheap, delicious and has flavors usually never seen like Tiramisu, peanut and toe fungus.
Book count: Johan 5, laura 12. officially on its way to being a blow out.
1 more day here before heading off to Naples. Thankfully the one bar in town has Italian beer for 1.50 euro which should keep us occupied for the majority of tomorrow as long as we don't run out of two man drinking games. Then the locals will really have something to take pictures of.
Ciao!!
Few things you need to know about Faeto: You will not find it on a map
It takes all of 45 minutes to explore
No one is above 8 or under 80.
And they have never seen a dutch jew in their life.
I take pictures of the scenery, they take pictures of me. I have never seen so many people stop what they were doing and stare at me. I know that they have never seen a Dutch Jew before, but now I am starting to think they have never seen someone blond before either. I am positive that we are the talk of the town. "There is an italian girl walking around here, and she has some foreign creature with her, and get this, he's a blond American!" "What should we do?" "Point, stare, and say Buongiorno" "Perfect, he won't know what to say next"
Even the dogs stare at me, and I am not kidding, they are literally stopping what they are doing and quizzically focus on the strange rectangle trying to pet them.
A part of me wants to scream "Take your paws off me you dirty wop!" And all the time Laura is just chatting away with them as if I don't exist, but I know she is talking about me. I am here, Faeto, and the bus doesn't leave for 2 more days!!! You can find me in room 104, a euro will buy you some face time, 2 euros will buy you a dance, and me a beer. Just call me "The token American."
Things you will not find in Faeto:
movie theater or any type of theater of its kind
Paved roads
People under 80
mayor (most likely)
Night/dance club
hospital
pharmacy
Electricity (just kidding)
The olympics
Budweiser
Americans like me
Another thing that I have noticed is that I tend to stand as close as humanly possible to garbage at all times. It is not as if I want to go swimming in it, but rather unequivocally find myself drawn to it. Possibly because the smell is most closely related to my own pungent body odor, but I think the real reason is because I am guy who likes to lean on stuff. And when you waiting for a bus or train, what's the most accessible thing to lean on that can always be found around there. Yes, a pole or map would probably be more hygienic and provide better back support, but there is something about putting your elbow around a swarm of bees and overflow of cigarette butts and empties. Everytime too, its like a natural instinct, and the worst part, I don't even consider moving until Laura goes "what are you doing?" So today, I decided to sit on a bench while I waited for a bus, and it took all my energy to make that decision. Yup, this is what I think about on vacation.
Since I have not been on the internet in weeks, judging by podcasts "The Miami Cheats" are by far my favorite new nickname for the big 3, although ironically they did nothing wrong....other than ruin Lebron's legacy. Speaking of ironic, my favorite pizza thus far is from a restaurant in Croatia, not Italy. That better change, I'm counting on you Naples.
One thing that I must say is amazing about Croatia and Italy is the ice cream, actually its gelato, but its cheap, delicious and has flavors usually never seen like Tiramisu, peanut and toe fungus.
Book count: Johan 5, laura 12. officially on its way to being a blow out.
1 more day here before heading off to Naples. Thankfully the one bar in town has Italian beer for 1.50 euro which should keep us occupied for the majority of tomorrow as long as we don't run out of two man drinking games. Then the locals will really have something to take pictures of.
Ciao!!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Cro-Stralia
Welcome back readers, you have been missed. After 10 days in Cro-stralia, I have decided to take my talents to Italy.
Mum and Dad this is where you stop reading, this will not be a parent/adult friendly blog.
Still reading?
I know you are....
So I learned a few things about Australians the past 7 days while sailing the Croatian coast. They don't ride kangaroos to work, a dingo ate one and only one baby, and that during the summer they invade Croatia like a ring seeking free agent to Miami (looking at you Juwan Howard). As much as I love the people from down under I am still waiting for an apology for Crocodile Dundee 2, Vegimite and Nicole Kidman.
I am pretty sure that Laura and I are one of only a handful of Americans in this country. and certainly the only New Yorkers, except for that one annoying drunk fat chick who claimed to be a New Yorker only to reveal later that she didn't actually live in NYC but was actually from Paramus, New Jersey. Also, Just because you work in a Bloomingdales does not mean that you work in fashion. Needless to say that girl survived about 3 seconds before being mercifully abused physically, emotionally, and mentally. Thankfully I know some Aussies who have pin point accuracy when pissing on someone. Living in NYC is a privilege and a right, so please take your bridge or tunnel back to that swamp land that you call a home and convince yourself that the Sopranos finale didn't ruin the show for you, find a treadmill and a vaccination. Yup, I was pretty fired up....still am.
Breakdown of people currently in the country of Croatia.
65 % Croats
34 % Aussies
1% Laura, Johan, Fatter Snookie.
I am pretty sure that the last 7 days has taken 4 months off my life span, but I guess that's what happens when you find the cheapest Croatian sailing boat cruise, fit 18 Aussies, 4 South Africans (who I will affectionately be referring to as SAFFERS from this point on) and two Americans who have trouble saying no. My vomit is the color of red bull, my urine the color jager. I guess that's what happens when as a group you decide that you are going to break the bars record for most alcohol served in a week, and give people "The Belt" for drunkest person of the night.
With that said, acquiring the belt was no easy task. Seeing as you are being judged on 3 categories: longevity, overall drunkenness, and public nudity.
Belt winners:
Mark "Woodley" Isherwood
4 nights. With stats like that he just needed a picture to back it up, but even though he was beyond blackout every night he always seemed to make sure he brushed his teeth, almost ironic in a way, the guy below you with soiled drawers has pristine dental hygiene.
Claims to fame: Naked pole dancing, Manginas, putting another contender in a drunken coma, undefeated in homo chicken (yes it will be covered later) tattooed "your boat is shit" on his back, public urination in multiple bars. The ratio of pictures of Woodley to Croatia was 3:1, you don't just get the belt, your earn it.
Steve "choco"
1 night. Claim to fame: penis windmills.
Tess "no nickname"
1 night. Claim to fame: got so drunk that she missed the boat to the next town and had to make a one night stand become a 2 day stand.
Honorable mention:
Andrew "Hammy" Ham - claim to fame: was labeled "clinically dead" 3 different times, but still refused treatment of any kind.
By this point you can probably figure out 2 things, first we shattered the bar record, and second none of the other boats liked us very much. Definitely didn't help that we would roll into port chanting "your boat's shit!" You know something is wrong with your boat when your playing thumper at 330 in the afternoon and people are taking pictures not of the Croatian coast but of your boat playing drinking games.
Dave, I love you man, but you my friend, got Mapled!
(We all knew an inside joke was coming, brace yourself for one more)
The great Hambino steps up to the plate, and knocks it out of the park.
There was a lot of craziness that happened on the trip that didn't involve drinking though. We had to take hydration and food breaks, which mainly consisted of ingesting pure salt from our ships cook and pineapple vodkas with ice in it.
Quick recap of our locations:
Saturday - Hvar - arrived just in time to go straight to a bar named Carpe Diem where dance moves such as The Surfer, The Squirrel, and my personal favorite, The Chop. For the life of me I still can't figure out why The Chop hasn't caught on, do people not like it when you karate chop them repeatedly in the neck?
Sunday - began with jaeger bombs for breakfast, into an afternoon of drinking games ranging from 3 different countries. The Saffers brought bekock, The Aussies introduced Hobarn, and kings and thumper from the Americans. Don't worry, Ill bring em back home. Soon after the dildo came out and all the other boats realized who we really were. The boat hosted an open bar on the into a beach bar where Woodley started the trend of nudity and homo chicken.
What is homo-chicken you ask?
Homo chicken is game that the. Some of the Aussies play that essentially tests your ability to prove how heterosexual you are by being as homosexual as possible. The first person to flinch or turn away is the loser. Although the game started slowly, it turned into all out face licking, dick grabbing and eventually a rusty fish hook. That's when it really got out of control. I can't say that I have played myself, but I see a lot of it in Craig's future.
Monday - Dubrovnick - more waking to jaegerbombs into a subsequent group yack. That's where I learned about tackyacking, which will be covered later on.
Tuesday - Mljet - a very brief introduction to water polo which is apparently a major sport here, and I say brief because after 20 minutes of playing we were wiped. We also got slaughtered by some locals which made it even easier to quit. Hayden tried to take belt from Woodley unsuccessfully, By 1030 he was sleeping on the stairs in a pool of his own vomit.
Wednesday - Korcula - passing of the belt to Tess. Went to an awesome Beach bar with a live band singing American songs. Butcher doesn't come close to explaining how terrible they were, but when beers are 2.50 you kinda just go with it. This was followed by a street bar that seemed to have some type of weird porn playing on a projector, which shouldn't come as a surprise considering the two stripper poles below it.
Thursday - Markaska - cliff diving, or should I say cliff dive. After one jump I was too scared to go again. Then we went to a bar that was in a cave, very very cool stuff. It was located amongst sharp rocks and was Adriatic sea accessible. I assume it would have lasted one night in America before some joker killed himself, shockingly that joker wasn't me.
Friday - Split - spent the day white water rafting which really should have been called lazy river gliding but still a good time. Then one last hurrah at numerous clubs and an after hours spot where we ran into and subsequently partied with some Scots that we met last year in budapest. Walt Disney was right, it is a small world after all.
Some stats from the week:
# of time I was been peed on: 1
# of dicks that peed on me: 2 - yup not your finest moment fellas
How many times people pissed on themselves: 8
Belt winners: 3
# of jaegerbombs consumed on tuesday morn: too many to count.
Kegs tapped: 5
Numbers of doctors on board: 2
# of minor surgeries that had to be performed: 2
# of i pods lost/stolen: 3
Number of manginas: 30.
Number of people involved in public nudity: 12
# of people who didn't make it back to the boat on time (7 am curfew):1
Number of times we listened to either the same Akon cd or kings of Leon cd: once a day.
Number of aqua bogs: 1
Amount of people that pissed in the ocean: 20 out of 22
Words I learned this week that I will begin trying to incorporate in America:
Plaster - band aid
Ranger - red head
Tackyack - tactical vomiting
Rooting - fucking
Bogens - redneck
Mate/bloke - friend
Homo chicken - "I will suck your dick to win this game" - guess who
Pissed - drunk
Bong - average
Skull - chug
Wankered - a douche
Thongs - sandals - yup try getting away with that in America
Aqua bog - taking a shit in the ocean
aqua bog races - dropping below the water and racing your poop back up to surface.
Even when you win u lose.
Keen - really excited
Tucker - food
And finally
Shitcunt means, well, shitcunt
Great week, still feel like I'm swaying, love my new mates, they are a bunch of good blokes, even that shitcunt Woodley. As awesome as that trip was, and as pissed as I was from skulling all those drinks, I am as keen as mustard to get the hell away from you animals.
Book count: laura 9 - Johan 4.5 - I lost the book I was reading but I read a long magazine so I am giving myself credit for half a book.
Cheers.
Mum and Dad this is where you stop reading, this will not be a parent/adult friendly blog.
Still reading?
I know you are....
So I learned a few things about Australians the past 7 days while sailing the Croatian coast. They don't ride kangaroos to work, a dingo ate one and only one baby, and that during the summer they invade Croatia like a ring seeking free agent to Miami (looking at you Juwan Howard). As much as I love the people from down under I am still waiting for an apology for Crocodile Dundee 2, Vegimite and Nicole Kidman.
I am pretty sure that Laura and I are one of only a handful of Americans in this country. and certainly the only New Yorkers, except for that one annoying drunk fat chick who claimed to be a New Yorker only to reveal later that she didn't actually live in NYC but was actually from Paramus, New Jersey. Also, Just because you work in a Bloomingdales does not mean that you work in fashion. Needless to say that girl survived about 3 seconds before being mercifully abused physically, emotionally, and mentally. Thankfully I know some Aussies who have pin point accuracy when pissing on someone. Living in NYC is a privilege and a right, so please take your bridge or tunnel back to that swamp land that you call a home and convince yourself that the Sopranos finale didn't ruin the show for you, find a treadmill and a vaccination. Yup, I was pretty fired up....still am.
Breakdown of people currently in the country of Croatia.
65 % Croats
34 % Aussies
1% Laura, Johan, Fatter Snookie.
I am pretty sure that the last 7 days has taken 4 months off my life span, but I guess that's what happens when you find the cheapest Croatian sailing boat cruise, fit 18 Aussies, 4 South Africans (who I will affectionately be referring to as SAFFERS from this point on) and two Americans who have trouble saying no. My vomit is the color of red bull, my urine the color jager. I guess that's what happens when as a group you decide that you are going to break the bars record for most alcohol served in a week, and give people "The Belt" for drunkest person of the night.
With that said, acquiring the belt was no easy task. Seeing as you are being judged on 3 categories: longevity, overall drunkenness, and public nudity.
Belt winners:
Mark "Woodley" Isherwood
4 nights. With stats like that he just needed a picture to back it up, but even though he was beyond blackout every night he always seemed to make sure he brushed his teeth, almost ironic in a way, the guy below you with soiled drawers has pristine dental hygiene.
Claims to fame: Naked pole dancing, Manginas, putting another contender in a drunken coma, undefeated in homo chicken (yes it will be covered later) tattooed "your boat is shit" on his back, public urination in multiple bars. The ratio of pictures of Woodley to Croatia was 3:1, you don't just get the belt, your earn it.
Steve "choco"
1 night. Claim to fame: penis windmills.
Tess "no nickname"
1 night. Claim to fame: got so drunk that she missed the boat to the next town and had to make a one night stand become a 2 day stand.
Honorable mention:
Andrew "Hammy" Ham - claim to fame: was labeled "clinically dead" 3 different times, but still refused treatment of any kind.
By this point you can probably figure out 2 things, first we shattered the bar record, and second none of the other boats liked us very much. Definitely didn't help that we would roll into port chanting "your boat's shit!" You know something is wrong with your boat when your playing thumper at 330 in the afternoon and people are taking pictures not of the Croatian coast but of your boat playing drinking games.
Dave, I love you man, but you my friend, got Mapled!
(We all knew an inside joke was coming, brace yourself for one more)
The great Hambino steps up to the plate, and knocks it out of the park.
There was a lot of craziness that happened on the trip that didn't involve drinking though. We had to take hydration and food breaks, which mainly consisted of ingesting pure salt from our ships cook and pineapple vodkas with ice in it.
Quick recap of our locations:
Saturday - Hvar - arrived just in time to go straight to a bar named Carpe Diem where dance moves such as The Surfer, The Squirrel, and my personal favorite, The Chop. For the life of me I still can't figure out why The Chop hasn't caught on, do people not like it when you karate chop them repeatedly in the neck?
Sunday - began with jaeger bombs for breakfast, into an afternoon of drinking games ranging from 3 different countries. The Saffers brought bekock, The Aussies introduced Hobarn, and kings and thumper from the Americans. Don't worry, Ill bring em back home. Soon after the dildo came out and all the other boats realized who we really were. The boat hosted an open bar on the into a beach bar where Woodley started the trend of nudity and homo chicken.
What is homo-chicken you ask?
Homo chicken is game that the. Some of the Aussies play that essentially tests your ability to prove how heterosexual you are by being as homosexual as possible. The first person to flinch or turn away is the loser. Although the game started slowly, it turned into all out face licking, dick grabbing and eventually a rusty fish hook. That's when it really got out of control. I can't say that I have played myself, but I see a lot of it in Craig's future.
Monday - Dubrovnick - more waking to jaegerbombs into a subsequent group yack. That's where I learned about tackyacking, which will be covered later on.
Tuesday - Mljet - a very brief introduction to water polo which is apparently a major sport here, and I say brief because after 20 minutes of playing we were wiped. We also got slaughtered by some locals which made it even easier to quit. Hayden tried to take belt from Woodley unsuccessfully, By 1030 he was sleeping on the stairs in a pool of his own vomit.
Wednesday - Korcula - passing of the belt to Tess. Went to an awesome Beach bar with a live band singing American songs. Butcher doesn't come close to explaining how terrible they were, but when beers are 2.50 you kinda just go with it. This was followed by a street bar that seemed to have some type of weird porn playing on a projector, which shouldn't come as a surprise considering the two stripper poles below it.
Thursday - Markaska - cliff diving, or should I say cliff dive. After one jump I was too scared to go again. Then we went to a bar that was in a cave, very very cool stuff. It was located amongst sharp rocks and was Adriatic sea accessible. I assume it would have lasted one night in America before some joker killed himself, shockingly that joker wasn't me.
Friday - Split - spent the day white water rafting which really should have been called lazy river gliding but still a good time. Then one last hurrah at numerous clubs and an after hours spot where we ran into and subsequently partied with some Scots that we met last year in budapest. Walt Disney was right, it is a small world after all.
Some stats from the week:
# of time I was been peed on: 1
# of dicks that peed on me: 2 - yup not your finest moment fellas
How many times people pissed on themselves: 8
Belt winners: 3
# of jaegerbombs consumed on tuesday morn: too many to count.
Kegs tapped: 5
Numbers of doctors on board: 2
# of minor surgeries that had to be performed: 2
# of i pods lost/stolen: 3
Number of manginas: 30.
Number of people involved in public nudity: 12
# of people who didn't make it back to the boat on time (7 am curfew):1
Number of times we listened to either the same Akon cd or kings of Leon cd: once a day.
Number of aqua bogs: 1
Amount of people that pissed in the ocean: 20 out of 22
Words I learned this week that I will begin trying to incorporate in America:
Plaster - band aid
Ranger - red head
Tackyack - tactical vomiting
Rooting - fucking
Bogens - redneck
Mate/bloke - friend
Homo chicken - "I will suck your dick to win this game" - guess who
Pissed - drunk
Bong - average
Skull - chug
Wankered - a douche
Thongs - sandals - yup try getting away with that in America
Aqua bog - taking a shit in the ocean
aqua bog races - dropping below the water and racing your poop back up to surface.
Even when you win u lose.
Keen - really excited
Tucker - food
And finally
Shitcunt means, well, shitcunt
Great week, still feel like I'm swaying, love my new mates, they are a bunch of good blokes, even that shitcunt Woodley. As awesome as that trip was, and as pissed as I was from skulling all those drinks, I am as keen as mustard to get the hell away from you animals.
Book count: laura 9 - Johan 4.5 - I lost the book I was reading but I read a long magazine so I am giving myself credit for half a book.
Cheers.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Bye Holland, Hi Croatia
"You could travel the world, but nothing comes close to the Croatian coast"
Location: Split, Croatia
Goodbye Amsterdam, Hello Croatia.
I will miss Amsterdam: the food, the parties, the beautiful Dutch woman,the orange and of course the drug den known as our hostel. Boy that place was wonderful, and when I say wonderful I mean the worst place on earth.
The final party on Tuesday for the Dutch soccer team was a parade through the canals ending with the entire team on stage for one last stand at Museumplein. The canal tour was unbelievable, hundreds upon hundreds of Nederlanders going absolutely insane for just for finishing second place. I love it. After the team's boat passed by another hundred or so canal boats followed. It was incredible and people were fired up, but that was only the beginning. As it turns out, the party at the Museumplein didn't actually involve speeches from the team or coaches, but rather 4 hours of hard core techno. The soccer team left, but the fans did not, and instead a rave began. IT WAS SICK.
The last day of AMS we took a long strange trip to Vondel park. Fun times, except when it starts pouring on you right in the middle of it. You know how they say that the animals are always the first to know when a storm is coming, well in Holland, the bikes are the first. As we watched hundreds of people on bikes fly out of the park we said "It will pass" it didn't. Instead we found ourselves trapped amongst the Lord of the Rings trees trying to find/talk our way out.
When we finally got back to our hostel and dried off we were in the bar having a few drinks. We placed an order of drinks and food and I asked for a plate so I could make a sandwich for the plane ride the next day. As our friend Kate graciously did all of the waitress work to get the drinks. She finally came back with everything, except for one thing. So naturally I screamed "What part of plate don't you understand!" to Kate, only to see standing behind her a waitress looking horrified with an empty plate in her hand. She seemed horrified, so instead of explaining to her that I was talking to Kate I just took the plate instead.
We are now in Split, Croatia. It is a very old and historical and gorgeous town, and since I teach English not History we have spent the past 2 days at the beach. The water is beautiful, the weather is hot, and topless is encouraged. Funny thing about a beach that is "topless at your own risk" is that the real risk is making sure you don't scar yourself. I have already washed my eyes out with chlorine....twice. For the fans of the early 90's you will be happy to know that the rat tail and the fanny pack is back!!! Hell, I don't think it ever left.
Tomorrow we get on a boat to sail the Croatian coast.
PEACE OUT!
HEre is a pic of Museumplein during the finale. I am uploading pics now and gonna put it all in the next blog.
Location: Split, Croatia
Goodbye Amsterdam, Hello Croatia.
I will miss Amsterdam: the food, the parties, the beautiful Dutch woman,the orange and of course the drug den known as our hostel. Boy that place was wonderful, and when I say wonderful I mean the worst place on earth.
The final party on Tuesday for the Dutch soccer team was a parade through the canals ending with the entire team on stage for one last stand at Museumplein. The canal tour was unbelievable, hundreds upon hundreds of Nederlanders going absolutely insane for just for finishing second place. I love it. After the team's boat passed by another hundred or so canal boats followed. It was incredible and people were fired up, but that was only the beginning. As it turns out, the party at the Museumplein didn't actually involve speeches from the team or coaches, but rather 4 hours of hard core techno. The soccer team left, but the fans did not, and instead a rave began. IT WAS SICK.
The last day of AMS we took a long strange trip to Vondel park. Fun times, except when it starts pouring on you right in the middle of it. You know how they say that the animals are always the first to know when a storm is coming, well in Holland, the bikes are the first. As we watched hundreds of people on bikes fly out of the park we said "It will pass" it didn't. Instead we found ourselves trapped amongst the Lord of the Rings trees trying to find/talk our way out.
When we finally got back to our hostel and dried off we were in the bar having a few drinks. We placed an order of drinks and food and I asked for a plate so I could make a sandwich for the plane ride the next day. As our friend Kate graciously did all of the waitress work to get the drinks. She finally came back with everything, except for one thing. So naturally I screamed "What part of plate don't you understand!" to Kate, only to see standing behind her a waitress looking horrified with an empty plate in her hand. She seemed horrified, so instead of explaining to her that I was talking to Kate I just took the plate instead.
We are now in Split, Croatia. It is a very old and historical and gorgeous town, and since I teach English not History we have spent the past 2 days at the beach. The water is beautiful, the weather is hot, and topless is encouraged. Funny thing about a beach that is "topless at your own risk" is that the real risk is making sure you don't scar yourself. I have already washed my eyes out with chlorine....twice. For the fans of the early 90's you will be happy to know that the rat tail and the fanny pack is back!!! Hell, I don't think it ever left.
Tomorrow we get on a boat to sail the Croatian coast.
PEACE OUT!
HEre is a pic of Museumplein during the finale. I am uploading pics now and gonna put it all in the next blog.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Oranje hangover
I can't put up pictures or video, but I will soon and tell you when I do, attach them to previous posts. I also realized that I don't have to number my posts.
Damn you paul the octopus!!! 4 and 1/2 hours of standing in a mosh pit for that!
A grey cloud has hung over Amsterdam for the past day and a half, not black, but grey. I mean this in both a figurative and literal way. Post finale the weather has been a constant shade of hazy grey, much like you see in many of the coffee shops....where they serve coffee. The sun hasn't been out much since sunday night, and although its become dark and rainy (figurative and literal) at times, the cloud coverage has been pretty consistent. Much like the way the dutch and city of amsterdam feels. Obviously crushed in heartbreaking fashion sunday night left the entire country very deflated, it failed to slow down the city. The party wasn't as crazy, and canals were still filled with bikes instead of people, but the extravaganza went on nonetheless. Then we found our room. Maybe I should back track a little though, back when it was still sunny.
Let's start at Museumplein. 120,000 screaming lunatics with flags, vuvus, and a wide assortment of fireworks that could wound farm animals and small women. The place was rocking and there was still an hour and a half before the game. It was as if the Netherlanders were storming the bastille, and the crowd was electric. Find a spot stay in it, take it all in, moving was not an option. So of course I immediaetly went to get beer. An hour later and 3 worried (probably 1) girls later I made it back. It was both awful and exhilarating. Walking a human maze with a tray full of beers was like finding a ditch in a corn field at night without a flashlight. (You can either make out or sleep in that ditch once you make it there)
After hydration the party was on. With Dutch rally songs blaring, two helicopters dropping flowers on us, fireworks and flares, 1 girl who couldn't see above anything*, and a sea of orange, it was finally time of the national anthem.
* this is our friend Kate, she is short, which is fine, but not when you are in the tallest country in the world. When both men and women avg out to 6'1' the 5 foot girl doesn't stand a chance. You were a real trooper though Chism.
Nedeland o Nedeland.....
And that's all I knew, but the entire crowd was in unison and euphoric. Game time.
Once the ball was kicked off hysterics throughout the hundred thousand plus around us and then focus. It was an ugly game, some have said shameful but I disagree, dominated by the refs playing way to close the vest. If the dutch could have just survived those last 7 minutes with a man down I really think they could have won it. The crowd was in a frenzy the entire game, lots of screaming and throwing of things after all those yellows and bad calls. The techtonic plates shifted up and then down on Robben's breakway, which was a big uh-oh doom is on the horizon moment, and that crazy save by the keeper. Robben has got to put that home, and isn't it ironic that one of the king of flops in the sport chooses not to on the second breakaway when the refs were calling everything. I have never loved Robben, neither in this cup nor 06, but as skillful as he is, he is also such a dirty player. I don't think you see him in the next cup on this team. My favorite players from this years team will be Wesley Schneider, Dirk kuyt, and Van Bronkhorst. The funniest name was defiantly robin van Dervaart. After that goal by spain though, it was a mass exodus onto the streets.
Here is where the grey set in. Instead of dejection, they were proud. As the thousands upon thousands fleed the field, they join in one last "Holland" chant that filled streets with pride. Instead of the dejected fans after a superbowl loss*, they acknowldeged that they were the 2nd best team in the world, almost the first, and that is something to hang your hat. Then they filled the streets mardi gras style and partied till the next day.
*This game felt a lot like how a Jets Superbowl will go down.
Grey had set in the next day as well, as the streets were filled with orange remnants of immortality. It had poured the night before, rained down tears (u know your liking these metaphors) of missed opportunities. It also really helped wash away the grime of broken and spilled beer bottles and paraphanalia. Did you know tears could do that? Neither did I?
When our night ended with greeted our hostel for the second time, first was just to throw our bags in, and was horrified. I can go into great detail here about how it was a celler for dying drug addicts, or how lower class prostitutes shared STDs here but ill just show you what the website offered instead. Don't stay in "leidseplein hotel" ever! You are better off in the street, which at the time was an option weighed. Were fine mom.
Hostelworld:leidseplein
Offers:
Free airport pick up - nope
Rooms cleaned everyday - nope
Free linen - nope
Retaurant - nope, unless 2 pieces of stale bread counts.
Bar - nope
Lounge - aka the room where luggage is kept.
Internet - nope
24 hour reception- more like 12
Clean towels - yes!!!
At the end of our endless screaming match with the "mother of the manager" we made a deal, told her never to come to "oosa" and that her hostel was a disgusting joke. Her reply "young people like their rooms that way."
Awesome hostel.
After mondays hangover, and subsequent spell of grey, tuesday has brought back sunday's enthusiasm. One last party, for the soldiers of futbol, who brought the country that no one expected to near greatness. The canals are filled with people as the parade makes its way down amsterdam for one last hurrah and another major party at museumplein. It looks like the sun is coming out too.
"Oranje is de kleur van gekte" - vincent van gogh.
(Orange is the color of insanity)
Tot ziens
Ps: I thought about converting in 8th grade, and even considered talking to a priest, I think I was high on andrew mcardle. Couldn't be happier to be a jew....or Dutch.
Damn you paul the octopus!!! 4 and 1/2 hours of standing in a mosh pit for that!
A grey cloud has hung over Amsterdam for the past day and a half, not black, but grey. I mean this in both a figurative and literal way. Post finale the weather has been a constant shade of hazy grey, much like you see in many of the coffee shops....where they serve coffee. The sun hasn't been out much since sunday night, and although its become dark and rainy (figurative and literal) at times, the cloud coverage has been pretty consistent. Much like the way the dutch and city of amsterdam feels. Obviously crushed in heartbreaking fashion sunday night left the entire country very deflated, it failed to slow down the city. The party wasn't as crazy, and canals were still filled with bikes instead of people, but the extravaganza went on nonetheless. Then we found our room. Maybe I should back track a little though, back when it was still sunny.
Let's start at Museumplein. 120,000 screaming lunatics with flags, vuvus, and a wide assortment of fireworks that could wound farm animals and small women. The place was rocking and there was still an hour and a half before the game. It was as if the Netherlanders were storming the bastille, and the crowd was electric. Find a spot stay in it, take it all in, moving was not an option. So of course I immediaetly went to get beer. An hour later and 3 worried (probably 1) girls later I made it back. It was both awful and exhilarating. Walking a human maze with a tray full of beers was like finding a ditch in a corn field at night without a flashlight. (You can either make out or sleep in that ditch once you make it there)
After hydration the party was on. With Dutch rally songs blaring, two helicopters dropping flowers on us, fireworks and flares, 1 girl who couldn't see above anything*, and a sea of orange, it was finally time of the national anthem.
* this is our friend Kate, she is short, which is fine, but not when you are in the tallest country in the world. When both men and women avg out to 6'1' the 5 foot girl doesn't stand a chance. You were a real trooper though Chism.
Nedeland o Nedeland.....
And that's all I knew, but the entire crowd was in unison and euphoric. Game time.
Once the ball was kicked off hysterics throughout the hundred thousand plus around us and then focus. It was an ugly game, some have said shameful but I disagree, dominated by the refs playing way to close the vest. If the dutch could have just survived those last 7 minutes with a man down I really think they could have won it. The crowd was in a frenzy the entire game, lots of screaming and throwing of things after all those yellows and bad calls. The techtonic plates shifted up and then down on Robben's breakway, which was a big uh-oh doom is on the horizon moment, and that crazy save by the keeper. Robben has got to put that home, and isn't it ironic that one of the king of flops in the sport chooses not to on the second breakaway when the refs were calling everything. I have never loved Robben, neither in this cup nor 06, but as skillful as he is, he is also such a dirty player. I don't think you see him in the next cup on this team. My favorite players from this years team will be Wesley Schneider, Dirk kuyt, and Van Bronkhorst. The funniest name was defiantly robin van Dervaart. After that goal by spain though, it was a mass exodus onto the streets.
Here is where the grey set in. Instead of dejection, they were proud. As the thousands upon thousands fleed the field, they join in one last "Holland" chant that filled streets with pride. Instead of the dejected fans after a superbowl loss*, they acknowldeged that they were the 2nd best team in the world, almost the first, and that is something to hang your hat. Then they filled the streets mardi gras style and partied till the next day.
*This game felt a lot like how a Jets Superbowl will go down.
Grey had set in the next day as well, as the streets were filled with orange remnants of immortality. It had poured the night before, rained down tears (u know your liking these metaphors) of missed opportunities. It also really helped wash away the grime of broken and spilled beer bottles and paraphanalia. Did you know tears could do that? Neither did I?
When our night ended with greeted our hostel for the second time, first was just to throw our bags in, and was horrified. I can go into great detail here about how it was a celler for dying drug addicts, or how lower class prostitutes shared STDs here but ill just show you what the website offered instead. Don't stay in "leidseplein hotel" ever! You are better off in the street, which at the time was an option weighed. Were fine mom.
Hostelworld:leidseplein
Offers:
Free airport pick up - nope
Rooms cleaned everyday - nope
Free linen - nope
Retaurant - nope, unless 2 pieces of stale bread counts.
Bar - nope
Lounge - aka the room where luggage is kept.
Internet - nope
24 hour reception- more like 12
Clean towels - yes!!!
At the end of our endless screaming match with the "mother of the manager" we made a deal, told her never to come to "oosa" and that her hostel was a disgusting joke. Her reply "young people like their rooms that way."
Awesome hostel.
After mondays hangover, and subsequent spell of grey, tuesday has brought back sunday's enthusiasm. One last party, for the soldiers of futbol, who brought the country that no one expected to near greatness. The canals are filled with people as the parade makes its way down amsterdam for one last hurrah and another major party at museumplein. It looks like the sun is coming out too.
"Oranje is de kleur van gekte" - vincent van gogh.
(Orange is the color of insanity)
Tot ziens
Ps: I thought about converting in 8th grade, and even considered talking to a priest, I think I was high on andrew mcardle. Couldn't be happier to be a jew....or Dutch.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
oranje fever
Location: on a train to amsterdam, on the verge of immortality.
100,000 are supposed to be on museumplein tonight....and possibly Matt Allen as well.
Everything is orange here, and I mean everything, its bigger than a chicago cubs world series game 7, a nyj superbowl, and a lady president being elected combined on christmas. Did you know that Holland is widely considered "the best team never to win a cup" which only makes the national craze that much bigger. I'm wearing my bathing suit. 2 reasons for this: first, I sleep in it, don't knock it till you try it, and second I plan on jumping in the canals after we win.
I'm realizing that slowly but surely I am turning more dutch....and I like it. I acknowledge this and thoroughly enjoy it. Although being in the country that I love, butchering its language and being on the verge of being the greatest soccer team in the world certainly extenuates these feelings more than usual. However, the facts are undeniable.
I used to hate flowers, now I'm drawn to him. I'm not even buying flowers for romantic purposes, but purely bc I enjoy having them in my apt.
I never eat dessert, now I'm eating it constantly. And don't say its because I'm fat or touring, both are still true, but because they are so much more delicious than what I get in america. Ijs met chocolat (ice cream + melted chocolate) is no longer a vice, but rather a crutch.
Children behave impeccably here. I used to be a rotten child, but....well I'm giving myself an asterisks on this one because my table manners have improved dramatically.
Marijuana is legally allowed here, and I am, um, not against that.
Prostitution is also legal, and I currently have a cat. Does anyone need kittens? It will only cost a small fee. Pay in euros.
Biking is immensely popular. I had a bike as a kid, never rode it, was more of a roller blades kinda guy. Now you can't get me off a bike, I'm begging people not to drive me places. Plus, I own a bike in the city, and since most people don't, that definitely gives me the point
Side note: Great thing about Holland is that it is ruled by bikes, everyone of all ages bikes, the buses has tops two people on it at all times and they look miserable; Maybe its some sort of cruel torture method. The kids are born on bikes, and the elderly travel using them, there is even a bicycle compartment on trains and a lane in every street is dedicated to fietpats (bicycle paths). Biking along rural nedelands is gorgeous, and the ubiquitous bike paths make it readily accessible. Its one of the things Ill miss most about leaving.
It stays light out here until 11, that has no frame of reference on my life but its pretty awesome and I thought it was worth mentioning.
The language isn't as gross as german!!! I like this, and can basically understand anything in dutch and follow all conversations as well as speak back most of the time and carry a conversation. Couldn't do that before.
Orange is the national color, it also happens to be the color that best brings out my eyes.
I'm sweating less. Its very american to sweat, and I am a sweater. I get soaked riding the elevator 6 floors in my building to my apt. Now its half a shirt or less. Here's looking at your laura.
Long hair is in here, and subsequently I haven't cut my hair since March, you do the math.
Heinekin/amstel is the national beer. Always been a carona guy when I went import, but amstel lights can't be beat. I have had both before, and always enjoyed them, but they are just so fresh here. They rise to the top of my import chain just above hefewizen and carona, but still below 64 oz fosters cans (but only on moving vehicles). Bavaria is also quite lekker (delicious)
Dutch kids, especially my 3 cousins are adorable. I was once a dutch kid who was once adorable, yes I was, granted now not so much but still. I like those odds going forward, at least for the first 6 years of their lives.
Note to future johan: do not be surprised if you move here next summer for the duration and/or move here for a year or more in my early thirties or late twenties. You heard it here first from a present Foxx July 2010.
Book count: laura 3. Johan 1.3 - damn.
By the way, if you haven't noticed by now, I am horrible at titles. So don't expect them to get any better. Its a chronic problem that also plagues many of my stories, but the content is solid....isn't it?
I also found out that I have a little catholic in me, it turns out that my grandparents converted during ww2 to stay safe in a convent in belgium. Helps explain, or at the very least defend, my actions in 8th grade. If you want to know the a story of 8th grade you are gonna have to read my next blog. I am such a shameless promotion plugger, I love it.
Expect the next post to contain all of the insanity of what is about to happen tonight. I will add pics soon to both past and future posts, alert you when I do.
Hup holland hup!!!
100,000 are supposed to be on museumplein tonight....and possibly Matt Allen as well.
Everything is orange here, and I mean everything, its bigger than a chicago cubs world series game 7, a nyj superbowl, and a lady president being elected combined on christmas. Did you know that Holland is widely considered "the best team never to win a cup" which only makes the national craze that much bigger. I'm wearing my bathing suit. 2 reasons for this: first, I sleep in it, don't knock it till you try it, and second I plan on jumping in the canals after we win.
I'm realizing that slowly but surely I am turning more dutch....and I like it. I acknowledge this and thoroughly enjoy it. Although being in the country that I love, butchering its language and being on the verge of being the greatest soccer team in the world certainly extenuates these feelings more than usual. However, the facts are undeniable.
I used to hate flowers, now I'm drawn to him. I'm not even buying flowers for romantic purposes, but purely bc I enjoy having them in my apt.
I never eat dessert, now I'm eating it constantly. And don't say its because I'm fat or touring, both are still true, but because they are so much more delicious than what I get in america. Ijs met chocolat (ice cream + melted chocolate) is no longer a vice, but rather a crutch.
Children behave impeccably here. I used to be a rotten child, but....well I'm giving myself an asterisks on this one because my table manners have improved dramatically.
Marijuana is legally allowed here, and I am, um, not against that.
Prostitution is also legal, and I currently have a cat. Does anyone need kittens? It will only cost a small fee. Pay in euros.
Biking is immensely popular. I had a bike as a kid, never rode it, was more of a roller blades kinda guy. Now you can't get me off a bike, I'm begging people not to drive me places. Plus, I own a bike in the city, and since most people don't, that definitely gives me the point
Side note: Great thing about Holland is that it is ruled by bikes, everyone of all ages bikes, the buses has tops two people on it at all times and they look miserable; Maybe its some sort of cruel torture method. The kids are born on bikes, and the elderly travel using them, there is even a bicycle compartment on trains and a lane in every street is dedicated to fietpats (bicycle paths). Biking along rural nedelands is gorgeous, and the ubiquitous bike paths make it readily accessible. Its one of the things Ill miss most about leaving.
It stays light out here until 11, that has no frame of reference on my life but its pretty awesome and I thought it was worth mentioning.
The language isn't as gross as german!!! I like this, and can basically understand anything in dutch and follow all conversations as well as speak back most of the time and carry a conversation. Couldn't do that before.
Orange is the national color, it also happens to be the color that best brings out my eyes.
I'm sweating less. Its very american to sweat, and I am a sweater. I get soaked riding the elevator 6 floors in my building to my apt. Now its half a shirt or less. Here's looking at your laura.
Long hair is in here, and subsequently I haven't cut my hair since March, you do the math.
Heinekin/amstel is the national beer. Always been a carona guy when I went import, but amstel lights can't be beat. I have had both before, and always enjoyed them, but they are just so fresh here. They rise to the top of my import chain just above hefewizen and carona, but still below 64 oz fosters cans (but only on moving vehicles). Bavaria is also quite lekker (delicious)
Dutch kids, especially my 3 cousins are adorable. I was once a dutch kid who was once adorable, yes I was, granted now not so much but still. I like those odds going forward, at least for the first 6 years of their lives.
Note to future johan: do not be surprised if you move here next summer for the duration and/or move here for a year or more in my early thirties or late twenties. You heard it here first from a present Foxx July 2010.
Book count: laura 3. Johan 1.3 - damn.
By the way, if you haven't noticed by now, I am horrible at titles. So don't expect them to get any better. Its a chronic problem that also plagues many of my stories, but the content is solid....isn't it?
I also found out that I have a little catholic in me, it turns out that my grandparents converted during ww2 to stay safe in a convent in belgium. Helps explain, or at the very least defend, my actions in 8th grade. If you want to know the a story of 8th grade you are gonna have to read my next blog. I am such a shameless promotion plugger, I love it.
Expect the next post to contain all of the insanity of what is about to happen tonight. I will add pics soon to both past and future posts, alert you when I do.
Hup holland hup!!!
Friday, July 9, 2010
made it
Halo allemaal,
Location: 'S-hertogenbosch (pronounced den bos).
Spending a few days with the fam before going to Amsterdam. Nothing is quite as beautiful as the dutch countryside.
I was told by a very prominent dutch announcer on eurosport that the Dutch love two things: Futbol and camping. Remember this is the country that legalized both marijuana and prostitution, yet camping is somehow bigger and more important. I'll let you wrap your head around that one.
Now, futbol I have always understood, as a percocious and obnoxious 15 year old I was in Holland for the 98 pk loss to brazil and remember the funeral procession that followed throughout the streets. Just a few days before it was mardi gras after the previous win. World cup fever has officially struck the country of the Netherlands once again though. It is the first time that I think they(me) really believe. The streets are filled with orange, with nearly half the houses across the city are adorned with the color of Holland or flags. Along with the recent graduates of the local schools, which means the family of the graduate hangs up orange banners and his/her old school bag, basically a whole lot orange. Netherlanders as a whole feel as if they can win but have to play very well in order to do so. They see spain as the better team but also claim that Germany played poorly. The overall vibe is pretty strong though, and its gonna be a blood bath. Regardless, win or lose amsterdam is throwing a parade through the canals on tuesday, but Paul the Octopus picked spain however,not a very good sign.
Do you realize the Knicks will have given away top-10 lottery picks in 2004, '06, '07, '09, '10 and, potentially, '11 and '12 without making the playoffs or landing one superstar? How is that even possible? - simmons. Not my comment, and I don't want to bother blogging about all this lebron BS, but facts are facts and personally I am getting myself ready for aother decade of losing.
On a side note, I can never be in a car with my mother again when she is driving. I dont normally want to go in a car with her in the states, but its even worse here. Its as if being born in this country allows her to ignore all traffic rules and violations. Not to mention that she is driving my uncle's extremely expensive mercades and that she once crashed through a verizon store, the odds are certainly against this ending well. The car has a scanner surrounding it that alerts you when your car is to close to hitting something, even in park I think it is still going off. Sorry mom.
My baby cousin is super cute, with that said, I am extremely afraid of babies. I would say that after olive pits and nail files babies would be my next fear. Regardless, from a distance I enjoyed his company. He smiles whenever he sees himself in his little kid mirror, its nice to see that vanity is still in. My other 2 cousins are also super cute, they are 6 and 3, which makes them perfect conversational pieces for me to practice my dutch, although i don't know how many more times I can call them a pig or frog before they realize I have nothing left to say.
I am determined to read at least half the books Laura does this summer. last summer's total was 28-11 in favor of her. This summer I want to lose by half. Current Score: Laura 1, Johan 1.
Feel free to comment if its positive, that means you Justin, hell, comment if its negative then at least ill know someone is reading. And if your an editor or publisher reading this: I am a much better writer than this, including both my spelling and grammar, and working on writing a short story book that currently has 22 short stories, and in the revision stage. It's the next bestseller, well, maybe not, but it has some good stuff in it, so why not take a chance? Yup, self promotion is shameless. Did I also mention I wrote for my college newspaper?
Pictures and drunken stories coming soon....but not yet.
Tot ziens!
-Foxx
Location: 'S-hertogenbosch (pronounced den bos).
Spending a few days with the fam before going to Amsterdam. Nothing is quite as beautiful as the dutch countryside.
I was told by a very prominent dutch announcer on eurosport that the Dutch love two things: Futbol and camping. Remember this is the country that legalized both marijuana and prostitution, yet camping is somehow bigger and more important. I'll let you wrap your head around that one.
Now, futbol I have always understood, as a percocious and obnoxious 15 year old I was in Holland for the 98 pk loss to brazil and remember the funeral procession that followed throughout the streets. Just a few days before it was mardi gras after the previous win. World cup fever has officially struck the country of the Netherlands once again though. It is the first time that I think they(me) really believe. The streets are filled with orange, with nearly half the houses across the city are adorned with the color of Holland or flags. Along with the recent graduates of the local schools, which means the family of the graduate hangs up orange banners and his/her old school bag, basically a whole lot orange. Netherlanders as a whole feel as if they can win but have to play very well in order to do so. They see spain as the better team but also claim that Germany played poorly. The overall vibe is pretty strong though, and its gonna be a blood bath. Regardless, win or lose amsterdam is throwing a parade through the canals on tuesday, but Paul the Octopus picked spain however,not a very good sign.
Do you realize the Knicks will have given away top-10 lottery picks in 2004, '06, '07, '09, '10 and, potentially, '11 and '12 without making the playoffs or landing one superstar? How is that even possible? - simmons. Not my comment, and I don't want to bother blogging about all this lebron BS, but facts are facts and personally I am getting myself ready for aother decade of losing.
On a side note, I can never be in a car with my mother again when she is driving. I dont normally want to go in a car with her in the states, but its even worse here. Its as if being born in this country allows her to ignore all traffic rules and violations. Not to mention that she is driving my uncle's extremely expensive mercades and that she once crashed through a verizon store, the odds are certainly against this ending well. The car has a scanner surrounding it that alerts you when your car is to close to hitting something, even in park I think it is still going off. Sorry mom.
My baby cousin is super cute, with that said, I am extremely afraid of babies. I would say that after olive pits and nail files babies would be my next fear. Regardless, from a distance I enjoyed his company. He smiles whenever he sees himself in his little kid mirror, its nice to see that vanity is still in. My other 2 cousins are also super cute, they are 6 and 3, which makes them perfect conversational pieces for me to practice my dutch, although i don't know how many more times I can call them a pig or frog before they realize I have nothing left to say.
I am determined to read at least half the books Laura does this summer. last summer's total was 28-11 in favor of her. This summer I want to lose by half. Current Score: Laura 1, Johan 1.
Feel free to comment if its positive, that means you Justin, hell, comment if its negative then at least ill know someone is reading. And if your an editor or publisher reading this: I am a much better writer than this, including both my spelling and grammar, and working on writing a short story book that currently has 22 short stories, and in the revision stage. It's the next bestseller, well, maybe not, but it has some good stuff in it, so why not take a chance? Yup, self promotion is shameless. Did I also mention I wrote for my college newspaper?
Pictures and drunken stories coming soon....but not yet.
Tot ziens!
-Foxx
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
First blog ever
"So airplane airplane sorry I'm late
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that then I'll switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night"
Pura Vida!!! wait, wrong trip.
Although summer officially kicks off when the Drift + Boardy opens, my summer begins today, or at the very least I begin the writing portion of my summer today. I leave for the land of Milk and Honey (among other things) for the chance at glory. If this is really as close as I am going to come to a superbowl, because lets be honest, they are the Jets, then HUP HOLLAND HUP bring home the cup! Ill be amongst the 60,000screaming fans at Museumplein in Amsterdam chasing the dream. One word: SICK. It really is surreal that I will be there for the World Cup final, I always thought that it had a small chance of happening, but the timing is impeccable.
But leaving for a 5 and a half week excursion (Holland, CROTIA, ITALY, SWITZERLAND)means saying goodbye. So peace out suckers!!! Have fun workin it. Ok, that was sorta harsh, let me rephrase: Being a teacher rules. Maybe not the actual teaching, but the vacation time can't be beat. Seriously though, some of you will be missed, but you can live vicariously through this blog.
Ill miss you the most Scoutaroonie.
And ill def miss looking at this picture.
Which is actually funnier when its photoshopped.
I am going to continually be updating this blog throughout my trip, and I hope that my readers enjoy it. The purpose is to entertain, so let me know if my blogs suck, but don't comment on my message board, send me a strongly worded email. Nice comments only. I promise multiple grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as well as the hilarious hijinks that only I can provide by being...well me.
Tune in again for the trial of tribulations of FOXX LANG as he tackles the globe.
ALOHA MEANS GOODBYE.
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that then I'll switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night"
Pura Vida!!! wait, wrong trip.
Although summer officially kicks off when the Drift + Boardy opens, my summer begins today, or at the very least I begin the writing portion of my summer today. I leave for the land of Milk and Honey (among other things) for the chance at glory. If this is really as close as I am going to come to a superbowl, because lets be honest, they are the Jets, then HUP HOLLAND HUP bring home the cup! Ill be amongst the 60,000screaming fans at Museumplein in Amsterdam chasing the dream. One word: SICK. It really is surreal that I will be there for the World Cup final, I always thought that it had a small chance of happening, but the timing is impeccable.
But leaving for a 5 and a half week excursion (Holland, CROTIA, ITALY, SWITZERLAND)means saying goodbye. So peace out suckers!!! Have fun workin it. Ok, that was sorta harsh, let me rephrase: Being a teacher rules. Maybe not the actual teaching, but the vacation time can't be beat. Seriously though, some of you will be missed, but you can live vicariously through this blog.
Ill miss you the most Scoutaroonie.
And ill def miss looking at this picture.
Which is actually funnier when its photoshopped.
I am going to continually be updating this blog throughout my trip, and I hope that my readers enjoy it. The purpose is to entertain, so let me know if my blogs suck, but don't comment on my message board, send me a strongly worded email. Nice comments only. I promise multiple grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as well as the hilarious hijinks that only I can provide by being...well me.
Tune in again for the trial of tribulations of FOXX LANG as he tackles the globe.
ALOHA MEANS GOODBYE.
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